Friday, 31 May 2013

Yowers. Hair Removal.

Why do we even have hair? Like on your head I get and eyebrows. But like why the fuck do girls need leg, underarm, arm and upper lip hair? It makes fuck all sense (sorry for the excessive language I'm in a rather atrocious mood - I'm being ignored and I have no clue of why... hence me bitch shit mood...) like why on earth would you need leg hair? Ugh. So Anyways having ranted a little about hair *cringe* lets get onto the removal of said devil!

Methods of depilation/epilation

1. Shaving
Why do women shave? It's ineffective, it gives you terrible burns, rashes and makes it grow back faster and thicker, sorry but, fuck that. Until the skin gets used to it, shaving is such a nightmare.  Seriously, ladies stop it with the shaving. I get it is quick, relatively painless and cheap but it is horrible for you. How many times have you ended up with razor bumps and those strange dots all over your legs. A girl I knew (I shan't mention which one for obvious reasons but if she ever sees this she'll know it's her) was hairy Sasquatch of a woman I mean like she makes King Kong look like Bruce Willis' head it's so funny, but yeah she started shaving when she was really quite young, way before she even needed to just to look cool and now she waxes but omg it is pointless - she has the most visible pores/hair follicles on her legs it's so bad!!! She does her arms, legs, underarms. She can get the hair away but the pores and follicles are still there. If I could give any young girl any advice on I would say hold off on the shaving - like please don't do it. I can't really tell you any personal experience cuz I've only ever done it once... Fuck my Maa is reading this... Sorry Maa. It was only once and I never did it again - I swear.

2. Trimming
Ladies that trim I hold a certain light for you, you have the confidence to have a fuzz on your lady bits. That takes... well I'd say balls but it seems a slight bit inappropriate considering we are talking about vaginas. Anyways, obviously trimming is better than shaving but if you don't have the confidence to do that then you're a bit screwed. I don't particularly like this method but it's not that bad.

3. Friction
See I only found this out a while back and tbh I think it's a great idea! You basically use something that has a lot of friction (say sandpaper) to buff away the hair. There don't seem to be any side affects unless you're a dope and you do it really hard. You can use sand paper of really high quality and made of natural substances, a friction mitten or pumice stone and the results last about the same as shaving but you don't get that horrid stubble. I really want to try this but they say it shouldn't be used by people with sensitive skin.

4. Waxing
Okay, ladies - we are big girls here and it's not that bad of a pain... Okay I'm lying it does hurt but no where near as much as people say. It stings a little when they pull it off but it's not that bad. I have had waxing done (odd experience and I never want to repeat it) and I've used the at home kits and I really like them! I've used the Veet waxing kit (not the easy wax - horrendous contraption!) and I literally fell in love with it - the only reason I don't use it anymore is because the hair on my legs and such is now so damn thin and basically nonexistent that it doesn't pick it up.  Girls, I would really recommend getting it done but if you are confident you can do it yourself than by all mean go for it but please, please, please read the instructions very carefully and follow them to the letter.

5. Sugaring
It's like waxing but it's with a sticky mix of, you guessed it, sugar, water and lemon juice. You take two units of sugar and add one quarter unit of water and one quarter unit of lemon juice. Heat the yummy mess to about 118 degrees if you want a thick paste or for a gel like consistency 121 degrees. Allow to cool and then apply powder to your skin. Once cooled use the strip method to remove hair. Apply with a spatula in the opposite direction of hair growth and then apply a strip of porous cloth or paper (I hear that jeans fabric works really works well) and rip off in the direction of hair growth. I guess this is good for anyone who is allergic to the ingredients in normal wax.

6. Threading
OMG I hate threading it kills like a bitch, leaves cuts everywhere and makes me breakout so badly... however you do get a really nice shape. Maybe it's my  uber-sensitive (it's not letting me put the umlaut on... grrrr....) skin but I cannot stand getting threaded. I prefer to tweeze. For those who don't know what threading is it's when they get thread that is especially for threading and double it, they then twist it and roll it over areas of hair, it plucks the hair out and cuts some. If don't well it can be fine however it still kills like a bitch.

7. Dipilatory creams
I will and always have sworn by hair removal creams - namely: NAIR!!! I love the stuff. It doesn't hurt, it's less expensive than a good razor and shaving cream, it softens the hair and prolongs growth and it so easy to do. They work by dissolving the hair using thioglycolates which break down the keratin in the hair thus making it easy to simply scrape away. They can cause irritation and if left on for too long can cause chemical burns, but if you are careful you're fine. I have been using them all my adult life and I still swear by them and would advise any young girl to use it unless they are like allergic or something.

8. Laser hair removal
Okay, it is a miracle but it also has the price tag to match. I personally would never use lasers on my skin because I think it's a bit too extreme for me. You can do it at home with special kits or go and have it done - tbh I would really say go to a professional and do it just for safety's sake, you know? Again I've never tried it but they say that it can be permanent with enough treatment depending on hair type, but yeah - a bit extreme for me.

9. Epilators
These things are the most amazing things in the whole freaking world. I have one and it is like my holy grail. I've professed my undying love for them in previous blogs and believe if you can get over the noise than you can use them without any hassle. They hurt much less than waxing, they are expensive but you pay £20-30 for a wax and that's what? Every 2-8 weeks so if you times that for a year or so you kinda do recoup your money, it's not messy, you can do it yourself at home and it literally take 5 minutes. 

A few tips:

- Prepare yourself. It make a scary noise like the mouth of Hell and it does hurt the first few times but no more than the first time you waxed - I'd say less and I am a wuss.

- Right, you have a low pain thresh hold but I wouldn't really advise you to start off with a lower tweezers count and then work up but the only thing with that is you end up with a few that you don't need - you could eBay or Amazon them but it's just better to go in feet first! Get a good one - Braun, Phillips and Emjoi seem to be the best according to loads of Youtube clips from beauty chicks!

- Epilate after your bath/shower and make sure you exfoliate because with epilating you can get a few ingrown hairs.

- Try not to use a moisturizer straight after let your skin chill for a bit or apply a little baby power and then wipe it off and use lotion or whatever.

I have a very strict routine for hair removal, I exfoliate like a crazy and I have to moisturize a lot, that and I'm really lucky cuz like I said I have super soft, basically nonexistent body hair so I have not many problems... I feel a bit better about myself now. 

Anyways! That was me on hair removal.

As always,




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