Monday, 7 October 2013
How not to kill your bf/husband
Okay I am in about the worst mood ever to be writing about how to live with your male counterpart but I am hoping by writing this it will help me to understand the damn Martians.
Just like a few tips.
1) If you can add the sentence "it's not that hard" to the end of your point - it's a stupid point to be making. If it's not difficult it means it's not really that important. Things like leaving the toilet seat up or leaving clothes lying around aren't really something to start an argument about. If it's so annoying have a chat. Or leave a post-it note. A simple bright yellow post-it with red writing saying "please flush me" or "put me in the washing basket" does wonders.
2) Make decisions together. If you have that kinda relationship, if you two sort of do your own thing then fair okay but if you are a couple that value each others opinions then talk about things together. Little things like what you want for lunch or what chores you share to big things whether you want a baby or whether you should get a smear test. Talking and making decisions together brings people closer. Plus it's helps you not be the sole burden carrier with a choice. If it was a bad one then you both made it. If it was a good one - you both made it. You're in a relationship, it's a two way thing. Give and take. Listen and talk. You have to see the other persons view (gosh this is making me feel really guilty. I guess I was wrong) and help them understand yours.
3) Space. You both had lives before each other, and do therefore have things you like to do without the other. You don't have to be joint at the hip. You don't have to do everything together. The things you enjoy sharing are the things you should share. For example every now and again I like to go off and just wander by myself. Maybe grab a coffee and go sit by the river at Clarence Dock (OMG I must call people dick more that I think. My phone just changed Dock to Dick like 10 times. Hahahhahahahaaa). Your friends don't want to see you and your other half all the time. Sometimes it's just nice to have a girly chat and like wise, dudes are perfectly within their right to go out with the lads for a drink and a chat up. I try to push the hubby to see his mates but he is always too sleepy. Don't be "that" girl. Don't let his mates all him whipped. But there is a line. Like saying "don't get too hammered, be back by 12 and no strip clubs" is totally acceptable if you aren't comfortable with that kind of thing.
4) Girliness. Okay we are girls and we have our own mess just like guys can't pee without painting the walls yellow we do have our own form of yuck. Keep your hair out of the plug hole/hairbrush. You might not mind it looking Chubaca died there but they do. Tampons and pads, bin them discreetly. Don't leave your makeup everywhere. Oh and use dry shampoo sparingly, as a one off or as a styling agent - fine. But as a replacement for the real thing on a regular basis... Just equals a smelly lady. Don't do it.
5) Make an effort. Date night, cooking something nice, even just spritzing a little perfume on. All make a difference. Your other half loves you regardless (I was so tempted to put irregardless lol. I Miss Ugly Betty!) but it doesn't hurt to change out of the pyjamas and wipe the ice cream of your cute little face every now and again. Dates nights are a must! Once a month at least. You don't have to go out to a restaurant and watch a movie or to clubs and bars. You could just get all the pillows, blankets, duvets and hot water bottles on the sofa or bed and watch a movie! Ice cream, home made popcorn or nachos are all great. Or cook a meal together! Even if its just beans on toast, the fact you did it together and for one another is super sweet. A lot of the time you will find it so much more cosy and yummy to stay in.
6) Make an effort in that department. Ladies, men aren't mind readers; bless them they can barely listen to their own minds - if you want to try something new, speak up! Lying there and waiting for it to finish so you can go to sleep is a straight road to Spiltsville. Too many women say the can't be bothered because they don't have the energy, I get you're busy and in this day and age women are independent and working but sex isn't a waste of time. It's good for you. It makes you happier, keeps you young, keeps you connected, boosts your immune system, relieves stress and I'm pretty sure if he's getting from you and you from him, there is a slightly less chance he will cheat. Never accept it if he does but don't be so naive as to not to expect it.
7) Argue - For a valid point. Arguing is the best form of therapy. You're feeling something, you get it out there. Bottling it up only causes pain on your part and confusion on his. Arguing is healthy, if everything was roses and daisies all the time shit would get boring. You know a person better for the times they lie and say things they don't mean. Plus people usually tell the truth when they are upset, it may be embellished but there probably is a smidgen of truth in there somewhere. Scream, shout, but never get physical. Laying a hand on another human being us rarely ever justifiable. Remember you're angry but you do love this person.
8) You. Relationships can bring great changes in a person. For example - confidence and trust but don't become a whole different person just to suit your other half, then they aren't in love with you, they are in love with the person you have created for them and that's not fair plus your family and friends will get left behind and they were there for you before you got into a relationship.
9) Never bitch about them to someone else. Ever. Just don't do it. It only ever leads to trouble. Everything has context but if you are reading something or hearing something you just don't know the context. You may hear a malicious rumour that your partner has said you're a really slutty girlfriend but all he was saying was he likes your confidence in bed and how you aren't hung up on your body. It's all context. You're pissed off as want to rant or scream - call a neutral trusted person and have a chat, write it down in your notes on your phone swearing to your hearts content or even just wait until you've calmed down and then have a chat with your other half. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation to what has be going on. But don't be thick, if you find out he's been cheating or something sounds fishy - say "that sounds fishy".
10) We aren't always right. Women of the world I know it's hard to confess that we are wrong but of you are just do it. He'll respect you for holding your hands up and saying "I'm sorry, I was wrong". But don't be a pussy if you're right, just really make sure you are. Men aren't thick, slow and maybe a few years behind us but not thick and if you've found one to love you and that you love treat him right. With all the respect he deserves. We aren't always right. We do take forever to get ready, we are melodramatic and we are bitchy. We are most definitely the root of all evil, but we make it look good. We are most definitely a headache, but we're small and cute. And we are most definitely a grade pain in the ass. Face it. Own it. Don't like it? Change it.
Ugh. I feel a bit better now... Still a bit antsy and annoyed but better. Blogging always makes me less stressed... That and chocolate. Idk my relationship isn't perfect but it's a damn sight better then some. When it's good it's phenomenal, when it's bad it's still pretty good. I want a toffee apple •_•" sometimes I could just squish his head with kisses and like I want to love him so much I might like actually love him to death, like remember Darla from Nemo, kinda like that and other times I could just squish his head... Ugh. But I do love him no matter what... Even when I want to squish his head.
What are your favourite things about being in a relationship?