Tuesday, 16 December 2014

How about fuck off?

Honestly if I hear one more fucking person making a decision that I will be having more children I will actually punch someone. In the face. Hard. People keep asking me or rather telling me I'm going to have another kid. They're like "oh, so when's the next one coming?" of when I say it's my first and last baby I get the response "oh you can't just have one! He needs a friend". 

Here's the deal. Fuck off trying to foist another child upon me. You like children so bad there are currently just under 70,000 children in the UK that are in care, go and adopt one of them because they are children that are already here and need to be loved. 

And here are my reasons why

1. I don't want anymore. 
I keep being told I being selfish and unfair to my child. To be honest I could not disagree more and I'll tell you why:

I come from big nuclear family and so does my husband and we both agree trying to divide time between children is hard. No matter what you do at some point or other one will feel left out or jealous. I will never have the issue of the "middle child" or being soft on the youngest because they are my last baby, I will never have to hear "who is your favourite?" Or "who do you love more?". I will never have to forfeit ones event for another's because they clash, one will never be over looked because the other needs more of me at the time, one will never have to make sacrifices for the other. There will never be any sibling rivalry. My child will only know that he is and always will be the centre, the be all and end all, the alpha and omega of his parents worlds when it comes to children. He will never feel the need to compete with anyone because he never had to as a child. He will never compare himself to anyone because as a child he was his own person. He will have the opportunity to be a well rounded, whole person because I am lucky enough to be able to invest as much time as I want in being a mother and making sure every single one of my child's needs are fulfilled.

2. Pregnancy and Child labor
It was an experience - one which I will now look upon with a smile. Pregnancy was a wonderful test if I'm brutally honest - it was mentally and physically exhausting but also so amazing but I wouldn't want to repeat it. My labor wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was hard. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done and I had a perfect support system around me but it isn't something I could do again. I know my limits.

3. My husband
He doesn't want anymore either. I am the child that was only wanted by one parent and believe me it's not nice when you figure/find out. Having a child together is exactly that - it's together, every single aspect. If his mind was to ever change then there would be a conversation to be had.

4. My son
Yup. My son is my fourth and final reason to not have anymore kids - I never want him to hurt more than he has to and I know being away from siblings is hard. It's heartbreakingly hard but inevitable, life will take you down you're own path and away from your loved ones, that's just the way it is. He will never have to worry about anyone like I do my siblings- being the eldest is a great joy but also a hard task. He will never feel guilty for his choices because of the emotional impact it will have on them. I want him to be able to grow his own personality and be able to totally unique if it so please him. There really is no one else in the planet like him. He will always have that. He will grow up and be able to live his life completely independent. I feel guilt every day for missing out on the mundane, day-to-day aspects of my siblings lives. He will find his person when he grows up and live happily ever after. 

If either my husband or myself were change our minds then that is our decision. As of right now, and for a long time before we only want on child. I respect other peoples choice to have multiple babies so why is it so difficult for people to respect my choice. You don't see me saying "hey, quit breeding already. Don't you think you've had enough now? Isn't pregnancy just too hard though?". No, because I'm not so stupid as to think that everyone must be the same as me. Step off my fucking uterus. 

I keep hearing that "he will be lonely", well no not really. I'm a stay-at-home mother for precisely that reason so I may devote my time and efforts to raising my child. He will always have me to play with. He will always have me to come to. He will always be one of my best friends. He has so many people to love and care for him, that will be around for many, many, many years - all of different ages, with different personalities and experiences. He will never be lonely because my husband or I will always be there.

So there. 



Monday, 8 December 2014

The Lammily Doll

 I feel like the only person who doesn't like this doll. I'm sorry but being able to stick on stretch marks and spots just makes me focus on mine. If our girls are looking at a doll or a mannequin and thinking that it is a representation of what she should look like then surely that's something wrong we are teaching our kids? Why are they connecting with an inanimate object that is meant for play as oppose to a real person?

For me it just doesn't make sense. I never wanted to have a turtle shell because Leonardo had one - it's just a toy. 

We're giving it too much gravity. 

The fact our daughters want to be like a doll tells us that we are failing to provide a real life role model and that's on US, not the doll 

Why aren't mums role models anymore? My Maa was mine. And tbh most of the girls I knew wanted to grow to be just like their mums or someone they knew personally. Why are young children going out of their way to find role models in circles that shouldn't particularly interest them? As a child I can't think of many that gave a shit about celebrities, we were too busy with bey blades and scraped knees. We've let our children be exposed to too much and taken away their childhood.

Sometimes I think maybe I'm just old but then my sister is of this generation and she feels the same. She thinks the parents of her peers have let them down by exposing them. Allowing them view content that far exceeds their years and giving them freedom that they are not emotionally ready for has altered their thoughts and view irreparably.

I mean is it just me? Or do you not think it's unhealthy that a child views people that are obviously not part of normal society as normal? They are celebrities for a reason because they aren't a normal person. Why are we not telling kids that?

Anyways, my son is summoning me!



Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Making a human is hard

So two months ago I had my baby and I've just spent the last few weeks figuring out how to be a mum. But anyways the birth of my chiiiild for you to read :)

Baby Thalukdher
1:05am September 23rd 2014
16 hours of labor. Natural birth with gas/air and diamorphine. 
My hubby was in the bedroom and I was making his lunch for work and my waters broke like Hollywood style - a big gush, not a little pop and a trickle like they said! It was a giant gross gush. After which I basically screamed to my hubby that my waters had broken. I'm not gunna lie I was panicking slightly and I was nervous but only because I hadn't had my birthing plan appointment so I didn't particularly know what was happening or to come so I think it was justified. I grabbed my hospital bag, notes, got dressed while my hubby called the ambulance and my Maa. We arrived at the hospital and they hooked me up and had me seen to quite quickly, when I arrived I was 2 centimetres dilated but my contractions were minimal so they put me on the druuuuuugs to speed things up but it made little mans heart rate drop so they took me off it, however this cycle continued about four times. That stuff is fucking evil - like genuinely I'm pretty sure its distilled satan pee. 

Me and Raj basically laughed and played music for the first couple of hours and then my family arrived but  the whole time it pretty much stayed like that- well, until I just stopped talking and just cried every now and again between kicking the fuck out of the foot of the bed and screaming on occasion. We had loads of sweets with us so we just had a really weird sleepover tbf lol. I'm a swearer as we all know and I didn't disappoint, I swore loads but only at my Maa and Raj but I swear at them all the time. I think at one point my hubby said something like "I bet you've lost your singing voice!" And I just stuck two fingers up at him. We just played music and messed around until like two hours before he was born. My brother and hubby kept telling me when a contraction was coming or how big it was like I didn't know but I found it funny.
My jaw still hurt from biting the gas and air attachment for like daaaays after. My feet hurt from kicking the bed. I think the worst bit of the whole thing was the suture - seriously don't look at those things, I can't even... Nope. Just no. 

My family didn't leave my side, it was so amazing. All the midwives and doctors kept saying the same thing "you're so chilled out". There was a really great vibe in the room, like it wasn't intense or scary- it was really emotional and strong. Everyone was relaxed. 

It wasn't as undignified either, like I've seen One Born Every Minute, that shit is scaring. I thought I was going to feel really undignified and horrid but it wasn't like that. My Maa and hubby made sure I was covered when I couldn't, I didn't feel the need to have my legs splayed open the whole time, no one apart from the midwife and doctors were allowed to even stand past my waist and I made a lot of noise but I felt like I was very much justified and my midwifed were wonderful they made me feel so supported and looked after. I felt safe in their hands. 

Although it was really hard physically and mentally like totally exhausting, my family really looked after me. They took turns to hold my hand and play with my hair, they held the gas and air thing for me. I squeezed everyone's hands. Tbh after a while I didn't know who's hand I was holding most of the time - I was so doped up on gas and air. 

I screamed in the last two hours but tbh the quieter I was it seemed to help me concentrate getting through the contraction. Tbh the last couple of hours everything happened so quickly. I went from 7 centimetres dilated to 10 in like a few minutes. And then I needed to push and it was really quick. The first thing I felt was "I love you". It was the first thing I said too. Then it was "I did it".

It was a crazy, amazing experience that I can only half recall and one which I will always cherish and never repeat lol. Seriously though I can't really remember much, the weird thing is every time I fell asleep for the first two days I kept going back to being in labor, like it was really vivid flash backs. I genuinely felt like I was still in labor. It was the oddest. 

Anyways I have a little midget baby to feed so laaaaaaterz lol



Monday, 15 September 2014

5 kitchen hacks I use too much

So I cook a lot, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen - which I really love. Honestly my husband's heart is in his stomach, I've never met anyone who can eat so  much but not put any weight on. Our old housemate used to properly get pissed off when she saw how much he ate and how little he did, cuz she was like really into fitness and healthy eating. But yeah before I got married I didn't know how to cook and couldn't cut a vegetable straight it was ridiculous, but my husband and is super patient and super understand, plus he will eat anything (the other day his colleague dared him to eat a bunch of peppercorns... he did. He stank like peppercorns for like 2 days, I wanted to kill his colleague) so I had lots of time to learn and get it wrong/right. There are a few things I do to make life a little easier or make preparation a little quicker or just I like doing so here they are...

1) Fruit
I love fruit, like just about all fruit I love but the problem I have is that I buy loads and then I'm like unable to eat it all at once so like the other day I got a load of strawberries and I could see they were going a little soft and were on their way out so I sorted them, took the stalks out, cut them up and froze them. They keep for ages in the freezer, I've been using them as icecream topping and a quick frozen snack just a couple everytime I got to the fridge and they taste so damn good. I do it with grapes, raspberries, pretty much anything but do your self a favour and cut whatever you are freezing into small peices before hand otherwise it's a little harder to eat like you have to wait until it's defrosted a little. They do well as ice cubes too! Also I love tinned fruit idk why but I do so the juice or syrup it's kept in is usually super yummy and is good as a cordial like addition to sparkling drinks :)

2) Timing
If you are as lazy as me when it comes to cooking for yourself then the chances are you will eat warmed up leftovers or just the simplest thing to make - my major tip to making food quick is to chop whatever you are cooking to roughly the same size, I find it cooks at similar times that way. If I am just cooking for me everything is the same size and goes in all at once and when the thing that typically takes the longest to cook is done then I'm gunna eat it cuz I don't particularly care. I rarely put as much effort into my own meals as I do when cooking for others.

3) Soup
I live off of soup, like during the week I have soup at least 3 times, with bread smothered in spreadable butter but I find tinned soup is sometimes a little bit of a let down - so far my favourite soup is by Asda, not the usual Heinz or whatever but I like to vary it up a little otherwise you just get bored so I tend to make a little sauce to add to the soup for example with cream of mushroom soap I will melt a (read 2-3) table spoon of butter add a mushroom or two that is chopped roughly but small and a little pepper and cook that until the mushrooms are soft, then I just add it to a bowl and pour the soup on top and heat it in the microwave. Tomato based soups are even easier just add finely chopped fresh/dried herb - whichever you enjoy to the bowl chopped before heating. A table spoon of frozen peas or sweetcorn adds texture, even just a stock cube to can make it taste so much better!

4) Planning
Honestly this is probably the best one. I know what I'm cooking way in advance because I have a bunch of meals that I alternate between because I'm good at them , my hubby loves them and if you space them out right you don't feel like you are constantly eating the same thing over and over. When I do the monthly shop, I think about what I need down to the herbs - that way I'm not faffing around in a shop with a list every day, it's already there in the cupboard waiting for me. When I'm about to start cooking I get everything I need out and sorted into where they need to be, so veg goes on the chopping board,  all washed and ready; oils and spices go next to the hob with the pan and spoon and once I've used it and no longer need it I put it back straight away because then at the end after I have finished cooking it's not loads of stuff that needs tidying cuz I've been doing it as I go along. Something that my Maa taught me was to have like a little bowl ( I use an old mushroom container) for all the bits and bobs that need to go in the bin, so peelings and such whilst you are cooking all go into this little bowl and then at the end you can just throw it in the bin all at once, it saves  you running to the bin after every different veg and means you aren't in danger of dropping it all and making a big mess (which I used to do a lot before I heeded my Maa's advice). The more time you spend in the kitchen the more comfortable you get and the quicker you get, I know it's hard finding the time and having the energy but believe me, you feel better for it - when you have a bowl or plate of something that you made in a short amount of time that tastes pretty damn good you can't help but smile. One thing I do love as well is looking at recipes online and finding ways to make them your own way (read: lazy/easy), you don't have to add all the things on the list and do it exactly the way they have said it's okay to alter it a bit.

5) Leftovers
Left overs are your best friend, my lazy darling. Seriously you don't know the joy of  a toastie filled with last nights kebab, cheese and nandos sauce - it takes no less than five minutes to make but tastes like heaven. Made too much pasta sauce? Pizza toast - toast bread, smother one side with pasta sauce, top with slices of cheese and put under the grill - SO DAMN GOOD. Left over meat from a curry? I had this problem a lot, cuz I've only just learnt to eat meat I would have meat left over but the sauce and veg were all gone so I  would shred the meat and add it to stuff, like chicken goes in salad or with veg and cous cous; meat goes in little pastry parcels as a snack or in a wrap with chunky cut peppers and salsa like a weird burrito, fish is always game for a fish pie. It cuts cooking time cuz it's already half done and you don't have to chuck it away and feel guilty! Win, win. Some of my hubby's favourite snacks started off as things I made cuz I had leftovers, he's happy cuz it tastes good and he hates wasting (energy, food, anything - he just finds it really annoying) and I'm happy cuz he's like "OMG this is awesome" and I barely lifted a finger! Utilize what you have to the fullest!

Now after writing about soup I want some :)


50 things you didn't know about me

1. I love baking.
2. Moths terrify me.
3. I can watch Pitch Perfect over and over (5 times back to back is my record so far). 
4. I love first edition books.
5. I can touch my nose with my tongue.
6. I have an A* in iGCSE English.
7. I broke a car door once.
8. I also broke a front door. 
9. Seven years of bad luck just started cuz I broke a mirror yesterday.
10. I licked my elbow once.
11. I am terrible at maths, apart from algebra.
12. I don't like Carol Ann Duffy - like at all.
13. I burn candles every night.
14. I used to be a tom boy.
15. Mr Men and Little Miss books fascinate me.
16. I love Avatar : Legend of Aang/Korra.
17.  Once in a school nativity play I was meant to be an angel but my cousin booed face off until they asked me to give it to her and I got stuck playing the drum in the corner of the hall at the back.
18. Also completely unrelated once I hit a drum so hard I broke the fucking stick.
19. I hate Jane Austen books.
20. I've read the dictionary.
21. I still sleep with my baby blanket.
22. I fucking hate Sharon fruit.
23. The first horror movie I watched was called Godsend.
24. I can't drive.
25. I used to bite my nails so badly.
26. All my wisdom teeth have either come through completely or are growing.
27. I love candy floss/cotton candy.
28. My first pet was a rabbit.
29. I really enjoy video games.
30. I passed out on a roller coaster once.
31. I've a scar above my left eye from where I got punched in the face when I was 14.
32. I used to sleep walk.
33. I grind my teeth when I'm stressed or feeling anything negative.
34. I've lived in a haunted house.
35. I try to customise all my clothing.
36. My brother looks exactly like me apart from he is lighter and a boy.
37. I have really soft feet.
38. I haven't cut my hair in four years.
39. I punch really hard.
40. The first band I went to see was Blue at 2.10FM's Summer Excess. 
41. I've moved house more than 10 times.
42. I find baths strange, essentially you're just chilling in dirty water.
43. I get really bad nose bleeds.
44. I collect coke bottles.
45. I have a thing about the number three.
46. I hate clocks that tick audibly. 
47. I have a cartilage piercing.
48. Playdoh is my favourite form of therapy. 
49. I've never watched Grease.
50. I'm pregnant, third trimester :)


Friday, 22 August 2014

5 Beauty Hacks That I Love

So as we know I am like the Queen of Laze. I am so lazy even my subconscious tries to tell me to get off of my butt. Being the way I am predisposes me to love all short cuts that actually work, I have a few that I really like and do use on a regular basis, so for all of you out there who are just as lazy these are for you - you know who you are - the ones that will just wait for nail polish to chip off completely as oppose to just remove it, the ones that love a messy bun because it's now considered "a style" and not what it really is - a guise under which you are hiding from the world that this morning you really couldn't be fucked to brush your hair or for that matter do a n y t h i n g to it, the ones that just sleep on the other side of the bed that isn't covered in clothes that are in too many different stages of laundry to bother with, the ones that just cba.

1) Wet wipes and Polish Remover
I paint my nails a lot, and by extension I remove nail polish a lot. This takes a long time if we take into consideration glitter is the be all and end all of existence, however replace the little cotton pads/sponge thing/tissue/kitchen roll/random rag that you were going to throw out anyway with a wet wipe and you have the easiest, least messy, quickest, lowest remover consuming polish removal sesh of your nail polish wearing life. Well, I do anyway. It works like a freaking dream. If it's an extra stubborn glitter I just tip a little remover into the lid of the bottle and soak my nail in the solution for like twenty seconds and it's gone with a single wipe. This trick has been serving me well for years, I hope it gives you what it gave me.

2) Eyelash Curlers
Mascara takes forever to get just the way I want it, flakes into my eyes if I rub my eye, is murder to get off and wearing time  is as finite as iPhones life. Eye lash curlers take five minutes, you always get a natural look, it lasts (almost) all day and once you get the hang of them you never have a bad eyelashes day - you know, those days where one side it perfect and the other side looks like Captain Hook helped you with your makeup, but with eyelash curlers they just spread out and curl what your mama gave you and thankfully my mama gave me long ass lashes so it's all good. They last forever - I had the same pair for maybe three years before I replaced them and the one I have now has been in use for just over a year and I am looking to replace the old girl but they still work just as well with a little persistence. You can pick up a pair from pretty much anywhere that does makeup and they all have their pros and cons - Shu Uemura are the most expensive mechanical ones as far as I know, but I don't really like them. I've used H&M's, Boots and I've tried out most high street ones, my favourite is the Boots one - it's black so doesn't look gunked up and dirty even when you've just cleaned it, inexpensive and just a really good pair. I keep them with me pretty much all the time.

3) Toothpaste Face mask
Once a week I have like a special shower, extra time under the water, special exfoliation routine, I condition and treat my hair, I do my eyebrows and nails I basically have like a really good deep clean and spoil my skin and hair - one thing I do without fail during this is a Toothpaste Face Mask. I just use whatever toothpaste is in the house and I work it into my face, concentrating on my t-zone and I just leave it on for like 10 minutes or as long as it takes me to get good and soaked under the water, then I just use my exfoliating mitt and scrub it off and finally I just rinse it. It makes my skin feel so clean and so fresh - it's just like my favourite. I used to use so many products on my skin but now I just use two things and my skin has never been better!

4) Kiss-proof lips/Cupid's bow X
So I use lipstain, my go-to is the Soap and Glory  Cheekmate Cheek and Lip Stain, the only downfall to this one is that it doesn't come with an applicator, however you can pick up a lipstain pen from anywhere that does makeup for like £1 and if you just take the felt stainy bit from inside and rinse the nub you have a perfect applicator, I used to use an old 1000 kisses by Rimmel as an applicator, but anyway yeah when applying the gel, I squeeze two little blobs on to my lips and then mush my lips together gently like you do after putting lip balm on, then using the  applicator I smooth the stain over my bottom lip and evenly distribute the formula on the nib of the applicator, using the edge I draw a cross over my cupid's bow and then the outline of my top lip, once I am happy with the shape I fill my lips in. I leave it soak into my lips while I do something else, usually my eyeliner and then I blot on a flannel and apply some lip balm over the to set it and I have my signature dark-hued, kiss-proof, stained pout. Sometimes I like to switch it up and use red lipstick to kiss proof that I just apply the lipstick (using the cupid's bow X trick) and then I take a piece of tissue, place over my lips and just using my powder foundation brush I just dab talc over both the tissue and my lips. It draws all the smudgy stuff out and leaves you with perfect lipstick. I get kiss my hubby and he doesn't have to go back to work covered in lipstick.

5) Toothbrushes
Old tooth brushes are a life saver, I have two - one I keep in my makeup bag with I use as when I'm plucking and shaping my eyebrows, I clean it with soap every use. Sometimes I use it to exfoliate areas that need extra attention, it's good as a flyaway tamer/hair teaser, cleaning and buffing nails is easy with it too. So yeah I have many uses for it! The other one I have I use for keeping my hair brush free from stray hairs and lint, I use it to clean the little crevices on my phone case, my husbands shaver - basically heavier cleaning. Honestly it works so much better than most things.

What are your little beauty hacks?



Thursday, 31 July 2014

Facebook Randomness!!!

So the RatedPeople.com ad just came on and they said "helping you find roofers" I heard "roofies".

I just found myself licking a lemon. What is wrong with me?

Thank you, God for all the people you have given me, I don't know where I would be without them. Thank you for the strength you have afforded me through stressful times.
Happy Eid

What witchcraft is this?
I woke up an hour ago after going to sleep at 11pm. I'm now tired again.

I'm pretty sure the kids in the park behind my house were just chanting "fuck that".

I can't stop watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting". Just finished my 5th time today.

Me and Paco don't like the thunder. Mr Thalukdher come and save us.

I think the nerves in my legs have done acid.
Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad, kids.

So Hubby is sleeping like Superman in his standing pose which tbh is really funny looking, I can hear what sounds like a flock of many different birds and cats having a giant fucking orgy, my back is killing and it's 5am. Perfect.

Oh dear. I'm feeling a bit like a turtle on it's back today.

So I just made my morning cup of tea in my clear tea cup and saucer, with a pear shaped silicone tea strainer and a spoon that has a fairy on it but I was unable to drink said culmination of amazingness because I forgot to boil the fucking kettle and I used cold water.

I'm so stupid, I didn't know that the all the Ocean's movies are named so because Dani's character is called 'Daniel Ocean'.

Okay the need for spaghetti bolognese is getting too much for me to handle.

I think I just hiccuped and sneezed, but because it happened at the same time my face just went funny.

Yesterday, my little brother was not only awarded certificates for Achievement and Attendance but he was also given a special certificate from his Headteacher. He was said to have worked hard in every aspect of school life from Maths to Swimming. I am so proud of you! You are always going to be my little skinny boy but it seems to the world your are the amazing, smart, lovely little man I knew you always would be.
I love you lots, Holgush!

I wonder if onions appreciate the fact that I don't cry when I cut them like everyone else, or do they just think I'm a heartless bitch?

I have four different types of pillows supporting my back right now... yet somehow I am still not comfortable. How is this p o s s i b l e ?

I want to eat so many things that are different shades of orange.

Every Cleavage Thursday that LAD Bible does I always have the same reaction to each of the girls:
"Your boobs are nice and all now but wait until you start aging", that and "when you lie down do they go into your armpits?".

How do mermaids have babies? Like fish or like humans?

Seagulls are so fucking evil.

I want Coke so badly right now.
Curse you, carbonated drink of deliciousness and caffeine, why must you taunt me with your wicked taste of evil?!

It doesn't matter how many times I watch this, it still gives me the chills.

That awkward moment when Facebook suggests your estranged step-dad as a friend.

My sister gets back from her 5-day trip to France today.
Who goes to France at 13? Who does she think she is? Lizzie Mcguire?
I can't deal with her growing up. I still remember her getting stuck on the slide and needing me to save her.

What if we hooked up gym equipment that requires physical strength to operate them to some sort of generating system so we harness that kinetic energy as a usable resource?
Gyms could be like useful instead of just places to check into on social media and douche central.

The beginning of the year must have been either really intense or kinda boring, cuz so many babies are due like October/September.

I have chocolate from Portugal, my housemate got it for me.
I like her. She gets me chocolate. She's nice and smells like a sugar plum fairy.

So I never realized how much I love the smell of burnt toast. How do you burn toast every time you make it? Ugh. Ffs.

With the Maa watching the Brazil v.s Germany.
Heartbreaking. Utterly heartbreaking.

Ugh cannot believe I got pricked four times for my glucose blood test at the hospital, then I threw up foam, fainted sitting down and giggled myself silly.
I should have taken a picture of Maa's face, she looked so worried lol.

OMG. "Hand holding bastards".

"Thanks assface".

When you dislike someone and everything they do starts to get on your tits.

The dog is acting so strange, he's barely left my side all day, like he sat outside the toilet and waited for me. He just keeps staring at me. It's kinda creepy.
Maybe he's trying to tell me something like "Timmy is stuck in the well" or some other shit that dogs tell humans.

Saw these and they made me laugh:
So I just stuck googly eyes to my belly and now I'm rotflbnisbitptguablatoib which stands for "rolling on the floor laughing but now I'm stuck because I'm too pregnant to get up a bit like a turtle stuck on it's back".

I love the random burst of energy I get from the baby - it enables me to get everything done, like
e v e r y t h i n g but then I'm like -__-" after and I wish I had just gone all sloth on the housework.
On the plus side I get to sniff clean sheets like a cocaine addict.

Back to my posts

Shut my finger in a door, bent my nail back, pulled my neck muscle twice and had a nose bleed
The past couple of days have been dangerous.

Makeup Setting Spray a.k.a Hair Spray for your face.

I walked all the way to the shop it get mint hot chocolate... but they didn't have it — feeling sad.

Watching Lonely Island videos this early when I'm this tired is kinda like being on acid.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels... Apart from churros but churros don't taste as good as knowing my husband isn't scared he will snap me in half if he hugs me too hard or the sense of relief I get when my Maa doesn't start crying every time she sees me because I have got skinnier.
Nothing tastes as good as being a healthy weight that is appropriate for your height and age. Stop focusing of being skinny or fat - bones or obesity, neither are healthy - mentally or physically.

Laying in bed, next to a sleeping Hubby and in his sleep this is happened.
Him: Oh!
Me: What's the matter, Jaan?
Him: I get it now.
Me: Umm... what do you get?
Him: Li-lo. There used to be li-lo.
Me: I don't know what you're talking about, Jaan. Go back to sleep.
Him: There used to be li-lo now there's laminate.
Me: Where?
Him: In the house.
Me: No, Jaan. There is carpet here apart from the bathroom and the kitchen.
Him: Oh... But there was li-lo.

Yesterday was two years of being married to the weirdo that is my Hubby. I love you. I can't believe we have been only going for two years, it feels like it's always just been us. I love you so so so much. I love the way you frown for no reason. I love the way you can just eat and eat and eat. I love the way you laugh - it makes whatever is funny, a million times funnier. I love the changes you have brought in me. I love the way you make me feel, the way you look at me. I love you for everything you are and everything you're not.
Reh das da twu shee.

So I just watched 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' now I'm watching 'Friends With Kids' all while the Hubby lies topless next to me...
I do love my life.

I don't wear headscarf, I wear tight clothes, I wear makeup, I wear high heels. My husband doesn't like headscarves, my husband buys my clothes, my husband buys me my makeup, my husband buys me my heels. Got a problem with that then speak to him. I belong to him and this is the way he likes me to be.

Oh, Sleep. Sleep! Where for art thou Sleep?
Deny thy stubbornness, cease thy refusal.
And just fucking come and pay me a visit.

I love my Maa. She's like "fuck off I'm watching football".

Mr Thalukdher?
I want to do things to your face, like squish it so you look like a fish.

If your daughter is a girly girl or a tom boy or your son is a "bit of a wet blanket" or a rough-and-tumble kinda boy you accept it as the way they are, you support them and you are fine with it so why is it that a childs gender identity is a problem. How can you as a parent see your child unhappy in the skin they were born in and not want to help them?

Me to myself in my head, whilst lying on the sofa falling asleep.
Me: You should get up...
Me: Yeah but it is so cozy here.
Me: You have stuff to do, you can sleep after that.
Me: But my eyes are already closed...
Me: Open them.
Me: But...
Then I started laughing at myself because I realised I am a bad influence on myself.

So I woke up W A S T E D, then got a random burst of energy and did everything... but now I'm like "I need to pee but that means getting up... I could just pee here".

So I just choked on an extra juicy bit of orange... My Maa laughed. Lol.

So I'm nosing through my sisters pencil case and I found a picture of Osama Bin Laden

It's my birthday...
That's well cool.

There is a woman who wear a corset 23 hours a day and I'm sat here like "I don't like trousers".

When my Maa thanks me for being there for her when she's down and all I can think is "least I can do after you housed me inside your body for nine months and then raised me".

There are only two things to worry about in life: whether you are well or whether you are sick; if you are well there is nothing to worry about. If you are sick there are only two things to worry about: whether you will get better or whether you will die. If you get better there is nothing to worry about. If you die there are only two things to worry about whether you will go to Heaven or whether you will go to Hell. If you go to Heaven there is nothing to worry about however if you go to Hell, you will be too busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry.

The Game's voice in Doctor's Advocate
It breaks my heart every time I hear it.

Today is definitely a playdoh day.

Gherkins must really freak cucumbers out.

I think I'm going to throw up. My toes hurt, along with the rest of me.
Why do seagulls pretend to be ducks?

Four bananas later and I think I'm addicted.

Saying something blasphemous and being like "wait am I allowed to say that?" and then deciding that you're in enough trouble as it is, so what the hey!

Hello 5am! Oh gosh, don't you look lovely?

And 3:30am! Oh dear, goodness, how could I forget you?! I do apologise, how are you? Good? I'm glad. Now go fuck yourself.

Half three in the morning and we wake up to silence of the lambs style moth fluttering, I get scared so Hubby punches it, even though he H A T E S them
This is why I love you.

I think that's enough crazy for one post! Lol!



Little Preggers

So I kinda mentioned like the last 9 months I was kinda... a little bit up the duff. Hey what that movie where the friend of the main character is like "I'm a little bit pregnant..." And she's like "what?! You can't be a little but pregnant either you are or you're not"?

Well I was and it's been pretty awesome, sometimes hard but awesome. It was after we moved that I kinda figured that something was afoot so I got a test and there it was - positive. Two little lines that tell you that you are carrying another human. I didn't feel different. I didn't look different. I didn't sound different. But there was something inside me that was totally different - a little new life, completely unique.

I told my husband - he jumped up and down with happiness and I don't mean metaphorically - he actually jumped and grabbed me and squeezed me and squashed me. I got a lot of kisses and smiles. We told our peoples and that was that... my pregnancy began. I was pregnant and it was pretty cool.

Good God. The morning sickness - it was the worst. I was being sick every morning, just this horrid yellow bile stuff that burnt my throat. It was so bad, I was really sleepy and super snappy and just a bit of a dick - but somewhere it sorta changed I'm not entirely sure when but then I was super chirpy and really happy, like I have so much energy, granted in bursts that don't last for long lol but I get so much done. I have to get everything done like I have to. It's crazy- like I can get everything done so quick.

In general I was pretty surprised with how well it went - I was told I wouldn't have kids like pretty much ever, and if by some pure, total and utter miracle I did somehow get pregnant then either me or the baby would survive, not both but it's been pretty good - the baby is really healthy. He grew perfectly and was medically on point.  Sorry I keep switching between tenses, I'm still not sure if I'm writing this for when he is actually born or if I'm going to finish it later. This whole post is going to be like that. 

He is growing great and is really fidgety, it's so cool but weird too.

I keep watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting" like over and over it's so weird.

I'm very tired like between the burst of energy which is a lot of the time but then again I'm like Queen of Laze lol. My appetite is badass- I can eat everything and I mean everything, even the things I hate like : coriander, vanilla, wasabi, rice, curry, meat, oranges.

We have a few names picked out but we want to like meet him - find out what he is like. You know what his views on marmite is, if he believes in the tooth fairy - important shit. Lol j/k - we just don't want to name him before we meet him, it's just something we both find really odd. How can you name someone without meeting them, a name is the first thing you usually find out about a person. Like I was named wrong and it was so strange not really feeling like my name belonged to me.

Omg when it was like really hot. I couldn't quite deal with it. I've never been someone who was good with heat but with my extra little hot water bottle I was not doing well. It's funny cuz you get dehydrated like super quick so you drink lots and like 5 seconds later you have to pee, it's like I wouldn't be so dehydrated if I just kept some of that fluid, dumbass body.

So yesterday was the first time we had to go the the FMAU - Fetal Movement Assessment Unit cuz he hadn't moved in ages and I was a mess. I was so terrified - turns out he was absolutely fine so yeah... that was intense. I've never been so scared in my life.

Omg Idk what it is about me and like bengali cooking at the moment - like I keep majorly craving bengali stuff and but we live in Exeter where it is about as white as it gets, like I see another Asian and I'm like "there are more of us!! Omg... you look so out of place..." lol. So yeah I kinda got into making at home, which is cool and stuff but it doesn't really taste the same, like it tastes pretty good but not exactly how it should. But it means my cooking skills have got better, they really sucked before now they mildly suck.

My first trimester was crazy hard - I was just so ill and I was struggling with the hormones so I was such a bitch, it was really hard for my hubby but he pretty much kept his cool. 

Second trimester flew by like idk where it went and I chirped up, I really enjoyed that phase -no sickness, no weird stuff, just sleepy. I was so chill like everything just didn't matter. I just didn't care. Things that should have bothered me or upset me I was just like "meh". It was like caring was too much effort. I loved it. It was the first time in my life I was so laid back. It's kinda stuck tbf. I'm still pretty chill - I just let my hubby decide most things. The colour/design shelves in the living room? Meh. The plates for our new home? You pick. The baby stuff? These ones are nice, I like them but meh. Like I wasn't there for the baby shopping, I was still in hospital after having him. My hubby did it all and got it spot on I loved everything.

And then third trimester was hard. I was just so uncomfortable or painful - everything was hard. Eating, sitting, sleeping, walking, peeing. Just everything. 

The whole birth/labor thing was awesome, agony but awesome. So I'm getting my hubby ready for work, it's about 9:30am - I'm making his lunch and there is this gush of fluid, I'm like "so I just peed myself" and I tried to stop it but it just kept coming. So I ran to the bathroom, it wasn't stopping abc then I kinda figured that my water just broke so I yelled to my hubby. He called my Maa, then the ambulance while  I grabbed my notes, finished packing my hospital bags and off we went. 

I get checked in and then they hook me up to this heart rate thing, jab my arms with stuff - cuz I'm small it always take like 5 attempts to get blood or put a cannula in and we waited for my contractions to properly start and my family to arrive. 

About 11am they started and my family arrived a bit later. The team looking after me decided to put me on my antibiotic drip and also the hormone mix that helps speeds things up but my body and the baby kept reacting really badly to it. At some point around then they broke my hind water and I was about 2 centimetres. 

Around 6pm I wanted the gas and air, I'd been in labor about 7 hours and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart I was about 5 centimetres dilated. 11pm, twelve hours after my waters had broken they were beginning to consider an emergency c-section as it was getting too much for me and the baby. They decided that if after 12am there was no change then they would proceed with a c-section.

12am came and went and my contractions were coming thick and fast things had picked up, I had the diamorphine at some point around here and then around 1am out he popped. 

My hubby, Maa, brother and sister were all there with me they while time - apart from the last hour or so when they sent my siblings out. Each of them took it turns to hold my hand - I don't really remember who's hand I was holding I just know I felt safe. Tbh I don't really recall much. Apparently I was quite funny! I remember my voice being hella deep after way too much gas and air so I did Darth Vader impressions and everyone laughing. I remember my Maa knocking at the door and getting annoyed and saying "whoever the fuck is at the door you're  obviously meant to be in here so just fucking come in" and the midwife pissing herself. Idk why but my hubby and Maa both got a multitude it fingers stuck up at them for various offenses I'm guessing. 

 My Maa was obsessed in these marshmallows that were heavy as fuck. Oh yeah we had like shit loads of sweets and chocolates, at one point my Maa ordered pizza, we had also had music on earlier in the day. It was a great vibe in our room tbh. My midwives were funny as hell. Tbh bar the pain I had an amazing labor - it was loving, funny and just chill. I felt happy and like I was ready. 

I'm not really sure what else to say tbh. I'm sorta done also it's 1:50am and I haven't slept properly in a month. 

So, yeah. 



Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Top Ten Faves!

I really like little baby yoghurts, I don't care if they are for kids... they make me happy. So it's been a while since I did one of these but like not much has changed in the things I use but hey ho! Omg I have been getting a lot of view from the Middle East... Should I be afraid? Lol. I don't know how well I translate tbh! Like I am very... not general audience friendly, like if I was a tv program I would so have to be on after the water shed!

So yeah here they are:

1) Dove Purely Pampering Lotion
I've used like three different ones of this range and they all smell like heaven and moisturize so well, like my husband even noticed that I was just so soft, lots of extra snuggles :) It is a little heavy but I like that it doesn't dry up straight after you put it on.

2)  Simple Kind To Skin Pore Minimising Toning Cleanser
I don't use anything else on my face on a daily basis. I use it on a flannel to scrub my skin and remove dirt or makeup and then I use it like a lotion and just rub a generous amount into my skin and my skin has never ever been better or clearer. I love it. It has things like Witchhazel, Vitamin E and Chamomile in which are all great for skin. It is pore tightening so I tend to focus on blackheads or pores that need a little extra cleaning before I use it just because after your pores are like tighter that the leggings on a morbidly obese girl.

3) Argan Oil Shampoo, Conditioner and Hair Treatment
I can't find a link for this one but it's the one that is dark brown and has like a greeny/yellow coloured lid on Google. You can get it from most discount stores - I've seen some real negativity for it and the company that owns it but it has been like an angel peed on my hair, it's so soft and silky - it smells like heaven, like my hubby loves the smell of it. So my hair started falling out earlier in the year, it does this every now and again , just decides it no longer likes me and wants to leave so yeah I wake up with clumps of it on my pillow, when I shower it's like a cat died in the plug- but I have only ever found my hair in food that I've cooked like 10 times in the two years I have been cooking for my hubby. But yeah so I was looking for a change from my normal Elvive routine, I had switched to using the new Fibrology one at the time in lieu of my normal Nutri-gloss Crystal Shine Sparkle to try and salvage my ever thinning locks but nothing was working, it continued to fall, it was getting dire and I was getting upset. I think I went into Poundland to get some sweets and saw the bottle, I thought "Hey £2, if it's crappy then I'll just chuck it away" but it turned out to be so good for my hair. I use the shampoo and conditioner every other day, and the hair treatment once a week, with my hair being so long and having major OCD about stuff getting in/on it I have to keep it clean, I know they say you shouldn't wash your hair too much but tbh I always maintain that everyone knows their skin/hair best and instinct is a great thing, so is trial and error so yeah if washing your hair once a week works for you, then go you! And likewise if washing it everyday does too then, yay you!

4) Primark Nail Polishes
So I love Primark - they do the softest t-shirts, socks, pyjamas and they are the best for period pants lol  plus they have super cute house stuff but when they came out with a makeup range I wasn't really interested until that is I saw the funky colours, I did a little review searching and found that the got generally good reviews - now my hubby usually buys me my nail polishes, like he will see a colour or bottle and want it for me so he will buy it but yeah I am too lazy. But there was a box four really cute colours for only £2.00 so I thought while I was picking up spare pillow cases I would grab a little box. The quality is pretty good and they stay put too, I think like 5 days later after normal wear and tear I still had nails that weren't noticeably chipped, and that was without top coat. The glitter polishes were awesome like seriously I loved them. So yeah worth a try!

5) Body Shop Amazonian Wild Lily (alcohol-free) Perfume Oil
So I have like really dark underarms which is you know, whatever, whatevs as I don't wear vest tops or anything that shows my underarms but it still gets to me - it just looks dirty to me, like I know it's not but to me it just looks it, after some research, trail and error and basically nothing working I decided I needed to stop using aerosol/chemical deodorant and sprays to try and help my skin but to do so I needed an effective substitute for a few days I used just baby powder but it was a pain in the ass cuz I sweat like a onion in a pan when it's hot so I had to keep going to a bathroom wiping it off and topping it up - too much hassle. My Maa for my birthday had given me £100 for a mini shopping spree but me being me couldn't find anything to buy after about an hour and only spending £80, I decided to treat myself to a giant slushie and take a break from clothes shopping, I wandered into The Body Shop and saw this little adorable bottle. I smelt the musk one first and then the cherry blossom one, both of which smell gorgeous; just not very me (also I was looking for a new perfume as mine was beginning to not suit me) but yeah then I picked up the Lily one and it was just perfect - I bought two bottles and have been using the ever since instead of deodorant. I properly like hounded my hubby to tell me honestly if I smell and he said I don't and as far as I can tell I don't either. I apply it once in the morning after wiping/exfoliating the area and once before bed too and my underarms are a smidge lighter, but the thing I'm most happy with is I get no blocked pores or ingrown hairs whatsoever, like I used to get a few blocked pores all the time and an ingrown hair atleast once a month but nothing since I have switched, hair removal is easier too. I also use a dab on the neckline of my tops just for a little added wear during the day. All in all I love the product, I keep a bottle in my bathroom for home use and carry the other one in my handbag at all times just incase I feel like a top up, which isn't often. Give it a go! I'm trying to convert my little sister who is really struggling with asthma at the moment and has been advised to cut aerosols out of her routine completely.

6) Tea
So I drink tea like any other bengali/brit - so shit loads, we love a good cup of tea; it's like all the world can go to fuck during our tea moment or it can join in with our tea moment like we can all sit down and just hash out the worlds problems if we just all had a cup of tea. But yeah I have this giant ass mug I usually drink out of and I drink like quite a few cups in a day too, which is not very healthy and due to medical reasons I was told I need to cut down on my caffeine intake for a while which didn't really sit well with me, I mean I don't really have many vices. So while I was out with my Maa on one of the occasions she came to visit, she got me this super cute Ella Sabatini tea cup set from Debenhams - it's a really simple design but it's completely clear which makes it a little quirky also it's tiny which means I can't drink loads of it but I still get to have a little. But yeah it's like my little morning thing - I drink my tiny cup of tea while the hubby eats his breakfast. It's cool cuz like my whole tea routine has lots of love in it - the kettle I use to boil the water was a gift from my Maa - it's a polka dot one!!! The cup and saucer was a gift from my Maa too, the spoon was part of a set that was given to me by my friend to smells like fairies as a birthday present and I also stole her silicone pear shaped tea strainer but yeah everything I use makes me smile every morning. I like presents like that, ones that you will use often and that will make you feel surrounded by those you love.

7) Sesame Seeds
OMG  I'm like a crack addict with sesame seed anything - snaps, caramel balls, in stuff , on stuff. If it has sesame seeds I want it. I just love it.

8) Oranges
Idk what is wrong with my rather out of control addiction to oranges - jelly, fruit, juice, squash. Just anything with oranges in it - I keep buying a litre carton of orange juice when I go to have lunch with my hubby and by the time I get home I've drunk it all. I cut up an orange in the morning and eat it like one of the walkers out of the Walking Dead would eat brains. Help me...

9) My Playlist
I have this one pretty much all of the day. As soon as I wake up it goes on for the hubby to get ready too, he is like me - he NEEDS music and then during the day it's on until he comes home. I'm loving some of the tracks on there that I have added recently - all my hubby's suggestions.

10) The 100
Omg. I like morbid books and tv series' - apocalypse that shit up and I am a happy little bunny and this show is just that. This is a tv series based on a book. We are all good so far. It's on E4 that I have just got into, 97 years ago there was an almighty ass war and everyone got nuked. The only known survivors were residents of twelve space stations that were orbiting the Earth before everything got mushroom-clouded, these twelve space stations then come together to form what they call "The Ark" where just under 3000 people live. As you can imagine they don't have much up there so you do something wrong, it doesn't matter what it is then babes you are on a one way trip into a blackhole, they "float" you off into space and you ain't never coming back. Shit is a bit dire to say the least. But it gets worst the life support systems are failing and carbon dioxide poisoning is beginning to set it for everyday they try to fix the system, the number of people the must "float" to save the rest goes up by 10 and so far (series 2) it's nearing 200. So they send a bunch of juvi prisoners - 100 to be exact to see if life on earth is yet sustainable. And it turns out it if you can survive the crazy-ass, nuclear-radiated, mutant-fucked wildlife, acid storms, lack of pretty much anything and everything and each other (remember these guys are mostly criminals) then maybe just maybe there might be a chance, unless you piss the "grounders" off. So after everything went boom, somehow there were human survivors (which kinda makes sense now I think about it, cuz if there are animals that survived then surely a few humans did too - even if they have like extra ears or some shit) and they are called "grounders", so far all I can tell is they are bad ass at camouflage, awesome at surviving, are territorial and just a bit like undiscovered tribes. But yeah I have an episode plused for tonight!!!!

So that was my top ten. I'm sorry I haven't really posted lately I just sort of fell of the bike a bit and wasn't sure how to get back on. You know how I hate posting when I have nothing to post about or am not feeling it. I have a feeling that I'll be in a more posty mood so keep checking the blog for updates :)



Tuesday, 15 July 2014

So here's the thing...

I get slated for the way I am... a lot. I have spent so much of my life pretending to be so many different people but now I have me and I am more than happy with me. The people that know me and spend their lives with me love me and are also happy with the person I am. If you don't like me that is fine. I don't live for you. I don't care about your opinion of me - it is a perception you, yourself have created after only meeting me a few times and not really knowing me.


 I am an offensive person I do not in anyway condone my behavior, however I do defend my right to be the way I am. As a reader whether you know me or not you don't really have the right to judge me as a person, you do however have the right to judge the opinions that I express and also have your own, use it - I was never one to say no to a bit of bitching. I am Asian - I say racially offensive things, use racially incorrect terms, make racially stereotypical statements - but they are not in anyway serious or meant to cause any type of hurt. I say sexist things. I make jokes - I like to think they are funny. Some people may find them funny, others may not but I write because I enjoy doing so and hope someone, somewhere will read it and laugh so for that moment, I was a reason a stranger laughed.

I wear western clothes, I don't even but my own clothes. I'm too lazy for that shit, I hate shopping because it is literally too much effort. Carrying the clothes around, trying them on, choosing them, traipsing around different shops is all just too much for me, my hubby has to bribe me with food to get me to go outside and let him buy me stuff. He chooses things he thinks would look  nice on me or things he would like to see me in and just picks the colours he knows I wear - grey, white, black, green, beige, blue - that is pretty much my pallet and he knows thatShoes are the same - he buys them for me, so many times he has come home with them and I have had no idea that he even knew I liked them.  My nails are usually painted - he is the one that chooses these polishes. I am spoiled little madam, I know this. He spoils me so so so much, but it's not like I encourage it.

My husband is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. Don't get me wrong he is a pain in my ass sometimes but I love him so so so much and he is a really loving husband. He spoils me rotten. He adores taking me out to eat and out. He loves showing me off to he friends and people he knows. He never bats an eyelid when it comes to spending money on me and always want me to have the best of everything but that is not why I love him - I love him for how loving, caring and protective he is of me. He makes me feel so safe and happy. I love his ability to make me laugh until I can't breathe. I love him for his intelligence - he is so smart and he loves to learn new things. I adore his child-like mannerisms, the fact he can laugh at people falling over and loves sweets and in some ways is so very innocent and unable to put the obvious into context. I love how much food he can eat - I have never in my life seen someone so slim eat so much food! I love cooking for him because I know he enjoys eating it so much, he isn't fussy and is always happy when I make something even if it is just a cheese toastie. He is respectful and kind to me. He is gentle. His smile and laugh are infectious, his dimples are so cute. When he holds me I know God took time to make sure I fit him perfectly - little things like my hands are just the right size for his, I am just the right height for him - like if I wear heels I'm still in line with his lips and if I'm in flats I have to tip-toe. My face fits snuggly in his hands when he holds my face and kisses me. I just fit him perfectly in every way. All the things I love about him most people don't even know he has. I love how he is such a headstrong person but if I say I don't think something is a good idea he won't do it - the people that cause problems in our life have no idea how many time your asses have been saved because he has looked at me and known I would be hurt if he reacted to your actions. You don't know who he really is and you don't know who I am - so butt out of our lives.

I love my husband so much. He is my best friend. We share so much in common, from music to movies, we even watch the same tv. We have a similar humor, outlook on life, perception of religion, view on society. The places we aren't the same, we are different in a way the broadens our understanding or complements our own view. You may not understand how we work or how we are happy but believe me we are and that is all that matters. Many people have been given chance after chance to be a part of our lives but time and time again they have fucked up and made us see that for our own sanity and marriage we cannot have them as a part of our lives, all we want is to live a peaceful happy life that has minimal drama. Is that so much to ask for? No.

If you for a second could have the love and life that we share for a single second; you would understand everything.


Thursday, 12 June 2014

And now it's just o v e r...

I love books, we all know this. Books are the best, they are the movie that is never set, the dream that you can pick up anytime and the fantasy that you didn't create - they are the best thing like ever. I love reading a book and growing with the characters, experiencing all the things that happen to them I love, learning things from them, I feel like I am there with them and a part of said book, like a character that wasn't written in. It's just perfect to me when I can really lose myself in a book or better yet a series. I love finding a new series to follow and read - I get really absorbed in it. But then there comes a point where either the next book hasn't been written yet or the series finishes and I'm just like... errm... I don't know what to do with my life anymore - it's like when your favourite tv show stops and you're just like "Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I never watch the last episode of a show - I just can't do it, it's like if I watch it then it is really over, the ending just happened I saw it but if I don't watch it then it didn't actually end. It's like saying "see ya later" instead of "goodbye" lol. Dweeby I know but that is just the way I am. 

So I picked a few book series' that I love and here they are:

1) Maximum Ride - James Patterson

Max and her flock - Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Angel, The Gasman escape from a laboratory called The School where they were created by scientists, they refer to themselves as a "flock" because... their DNA is part Avian... They are half bird, basically. Which is, you know, whatever super fucking cool lol. But yeah the books tell the story of them - how they love, grow, fight, go on the run and oh yeah... THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. It's fucking intense, man. But yeah so far there are like 8 books I think - I've only read a few so far but I'm planning at some point to buy all of them and have a bit of a marathon. Lol.

2) Gone - Micheal Grant
This series is sick, twisted, wrong, intense, disgusting and just harrowing. Perdido Beach is pretty much amazing until everyone over 15 disappears, no smoke, no flash of light, nothing just gone. Just not there anymore. Oh and a invisible, impenetrable force field encases Perdido beach and the surrounding areas. Chaos descends, along with talking coyotes, many other weird animal mutations, kids with insane powers like the ability to blast light from their hands, super speed, healing and one guy turns into rock but yeah the situation is batshit-fucking crazy. The kids must try and establish some sort order to the FAYZ (Fallout Alley Youth Zone) - it's not pretty. From having to dispose of the bodies of children that were left when the parents disappeared and finding food to trying to teach kids to avoid the "poof" when they will disappear at fifteen. The story mostly follows Sam, Astrid, Little Pete, Caine, Diana and Drake, but there are fuck loads of characters that come, go, die and come back - it's insane. Each book is just as crazy and heavy as the last, right up until the end, there are 6 books. I read all six over two days once and I was like O.o after. It was a lot to take in and I nearly threw up like 3 times, some of it is seriously gruesome. But yeah this is a really amazing series but do proceed with caution.

3) Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz

So I started reading this series after I read the Cherub series and it was recommended to me and I loved it - it's a different feel but it is just as good. Although the film was shit. So yeah Alex is the nephew of now dead spy - Ian Rider and he gets recruited into MI6, not that he wants that life but he doesn't really have much choice he needs to know what happened to his uncle but it spirals into something much bigger. He gets trained and thrust into an evil boarding school, sent into space, made into a ball boy at Wimbledon and some other crazy shit. Each book is a new mission, a new side to Alex, a new chance to save the world. It's pretty fucking awesome. There are 10 so far, idk if there are any plans for more but they all are bad ass. My favourite are Scorpia and Skeleton Key.

4) Cherub - Robert Muchamore
I've only read the first series because I am really not good with change and in the second series they are following a brand new set of characters and it's just too much for me. So yeah James' mum dies and he is sent to a childrens care home where he is recruited to Cherub by Kyle and our story begins. James infiltrates a biker gang, eco-cult, sex-trafficking ring, animal rights group, he also goes into a maximum security prison to bust out a drug dealer, he (and his sister, who also get recruited) play a game of US army training exercise which is fucking weird. But yeah it's awesome - really real and true to teenage emotions where it can be, it's hard when you are implicated in the deaths of MI5 agents to complain about a knobhead on COD, you know? I really love this series, I think it is the one that definitely got mee into reading my year 6 teacher would read it to the class every day for like 20 minutes at the end of the day and I never wanted those 20 minutes to end. There are 12 books and as far as I know there are no plans for anymore with that set of characters but yeah awesome series.

5) Harry Potter - J. K Rowling
Don't judge me. I love these books because I grew up with them okay? The movies were what I waited for, it was just something I loved... love. Lol. I love the characters, the world it was all just so mesmerizing and captivating. I'll admit it wasn't fantastically written or anything - it was just such a perfect concept, that was so easy to buy into. I have all the books in hardback and first edition. But yeah I love these...

6) Glass & Study - Maria V Snyder
These are two different series, set in the same world but following two different characters. Glass follows Opal Cowan and her struggle to help the Stormdancers, her journey with her own magic and warpers; along with lovers, her relationship with the magical and non-magical world, you really see her grow and feel like a part of her family. Study follows Yelena Zaltana - the soul finder. She was kidnapped as a child and was raised in Ixia in an orphanage, she has her soul stolen, she's raped, she kills that son-of-a-bitch, she trades her death for the crime to become the food taster for the Commander of Ixia and then just gets more badass as the books go. This world is seriously amazing, the magic isn't dweeby but it is so believable, the emotions, the deaths, the intensity is just crazy. Snyder is an insane writer. There are three books in Glass and three more for Study but it also has like another three that are set for release.

7) Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
Don't judge me, bitch. That is all I have to say.

8) Uglies - Scott Westerfield
This series is about a dystopian society where beauty and identity are one and humanity doesn't exist. You turn sixteen and you get made 'pretty', you get to live in the city, you don't have any responsibilities, you basically just chill and party, sounds good? Yeah up until you find out that you get cosmetic surgery everywhere... including your brain - little lesions are made to make you a different person. Not so cool now, huh? It's a pretty cool world - set in Seattle but like three centuries from now, it's amazing. But yeah you have the Uglies, the Pretties, the Specials and the Extras, it is all very self explanatory tbh. There are four books, I've only read two so far but they are goooood. 

9) Fire City - Bali Rai
This is a series but isn't at the same time. There are plans for other books but they haven't been written yet I think. But this book is so fucking mental - like omg you cannot put it down. Think Apocalypse, think epic, think demons, think death, think war, think hunting, think catastrophe, survival and fucking crazy ass chases. This book is just so strange - you finish it and you don't know how you really feel about the world, about anything. Like if you are similar to me and you get sucked into your own imagination then you're just like "what the fuck did I just read?". So three years ago the war ended and in it's wake the terror reign of the Demons began, the world is not a horrifying, lawless, chaotic place where nothing and no one is safe but the Resistance fight because you can never give up hope. I love Bali Rai and I love this book. 

10) Medusa Project - Sophie Mckenzie

The Medusa gene is synthesized by Professor William Fox, he injects it into the umbilical cord of a few subjects with the belief that the gene will combine with hormones released at puberty resulting in the development of psychic abilities... but the mothers die from a cancer triggered by the gene however the subjects are left unharmed. Long story short - people want to use them for bad and they aren't having it. Fast paced, emotion driven and intense. There are seven book all together but yeah I love it!

I also really want to read The Princess Diaries, like when everyone was reading when I was younger I was just to much of a little tomboy to give a fuck about some girl that is a princess but it actually seems like a good series oh and Pretty Little Liars, like nearly all of my friends watch the tv series but I think I would enjoy the books more!

Whats your favourite book series?



Thursday, 5 June 2014

My Summer Books

As we all know I love a good book. I go through phases of being massively into reading and then massively into writing atm it's writing but like the end of last year it was reading - I was reading at least maybe 3 books a day, like full size books, like average 300 pages. I am a super fast reader but yeah summer has it's own set of books, the last blog I did was more for winter, with dark crime and thrillers but this one is more emotion based so here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo:

1) My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
Anna is 13 and her parents are expecting her to give one of her kidneys to her dying sister - Kate. After Kate was born she was diagnosed as an acute promyelocytic leukemia sufferer and her parents had Anna to act as a 'saviour sibling' - she basically gives Kate whatever she needs from her own body and has been doing since they were babies. But Anna doesn't want to give her kidney up - the procedure may not work, she stress may even kill Kate; there is just too much to take in. In the end only one sister can live.
Please, please, please read this even if you have watched the movie, the movie is way more harsh and misses/changes quite a few things but yeah this book had me in absolute tears.

2) The Thing About Jane Spring - Sharon Krum
Jane is and has everything, as far as she is concerned, that any man could want - she is organised (she was raised by her military dad), she doesn't busy herself with the wiles of women of this day and age - makeup, dieting and such are all ridiculous and a turn of for men because men like women who are self-assured and confident but Jane is stunning and intelligent so why is it men ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun a fucking marathon when it comes to relationships? So she does what most women who need a break do - she gets smashed on wine and watches a bunch of chick flicks, Doris Day flicks; here she has the realization that Doris with all of her womanly charm and girly ways A L W A Y S gets the guy - so she reinvents herself. Will she get the guy?
This is such a fun book - her genuine emotion is so well portrayed, you almost want to pour her another wine when shes snowed in! Lol, give it a read.

3) The Second Husband - Louise Candlish
Kate's husband leaves her for another woman and now that woman is pregnant and he will be cutting the financial support he pays her for their two children, with no other choice she divides the house up and takes on a lodger - Davis. He and Kate get slowly closer until the day he asks her to marry him and the it happens - a revelation that will blow the whole family apart. OMG apparently this book was predicable - I don't think it was, well maybe a little bit but it was also beautifully written and really intense, I loved every page of this book!

4) Broken Soup - Jennie Valentine
So this book is actually children's book but please don't make the mistake of thinking it is in anyway childlike, it is stunningly written, well structured and gripping. Rowan is a teen - her brother died, her father has left, her mother has gone into depression and her little sister Stroma is now her responsibility. With all this going on  she takes no notice of someone handing her a negative of her dead brother that isn't hers and in fact she has never even seen... We also meet Harper and Bee who both end up meaning a lot more that we are initially led on to believe - Bee especially.
The book really is a bit confusing and a little random at first but if you persevere you get a really good story 

5) Making Your Mind Up- Jill Mansell
Lottie is happy with her lot in life - two kids, lovely home, ex-husband who isn't an asshole. She's content, then Tyler Klein come along, her new boss. It seems like the perfect match both, fall madly in love... but Lottie's kids h a t e Mr Klein. Then we have Seb - even she can't help take a look, the kids love him, he's wonderful; he just isn't Tyler. Who will win her affection?
Gosh I cried so hard at the beginning of this book and then that kiss! Gives you shivers it does! Lol. A really great summer read, but also gives you that warm fuzzy feeling - it's not just a cheesy chick flick.

6) Can You Keep a Secret? - Sophie Kinsella
My little sister got this for me actually - she saw it and gave it to my Maa saying I would enjoy it - I did. 
Emma is on a plane, she doesn't wan to be there - she hates flying, fuck that she is terrified of flying aaaaand then turbulence hit, so naturally she blurts out every single dirty secret that she has to a total stranger... who turns up at her office and turns out to be her companies founder... Awkward turtle, much? But it's not just awkward it's life changing.
Loved this real fun chick flick - I was never a chick flick girl, more like a thriller, killer, fantasy that kinda thing but this really got me into girly books so thanks Boo (my little sister's nickname)!

7) The Self-preservation Society - Kate Harrison
Everyone has phobias, Jo has phobias... just more than any normal person, way, way, way more but that's okay because she works in safety and it is her job to worry. Then she gets hit by a twat on a bike and is left fighting for her life, when she wakes up from her coma she doesn't quite feel herself... because she isn't the old her anymore, she has to chose between fight or flight - does she fight to stay in the her old life or does she take a chance and grab life by it's metaphorical wings and fucking take a chance? Change is scary when you are scared of everything. Will she do it or will she always be Jo the Scaredy Cat?
OMG Such a good read! It has so many twists and turns and really drags you in. Great book, give it a go.

8) The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets - Eva Rice
For a book set in the 50's it really isn't stuffy far from it tbh - funny, witty and quick. Penelope just wants to find her 'One' - but she is busy trying to save her home and being in awe of the cultural revolution that is taking place post war in London. Then she meet Charlotte - who is about change everything. Glitz, glam, uplifting, just stunning. Honestly give it a go!

9) Rumour Has It - Jill Mansell
Villages and small towns are the best for gossip - everyone knows everyone and therefore everyone knows everyone dirty laundry! From overhearing gossip at the local (read: only) pub to hearing your neighbour arrive at a unholy time of the night with someone who definitely isn't their spouse... however looks a lot like the girl from the bakery! Lol. Tilly - recently single- decides to leave it all and move to Roxborough, after finding herself a job and place to live she finds the only thing to do is to chase after the bachelors of the town, but she isn't interested however it funny to watch! Enter Jack... he's a whole new game - he is the epitome of irresistible - can she resist or is she just running from the 'One'? 
Gosh, this is such a girly read, so funny and just so feminine lol. I loved it! Good, beach book :)

10) The Stag and Hen Weekend - Mike Gayle
Amsterdam for the boys, Peak district for the girls - the bride and groom are off with their respective parties and it all kicks off - you get to read both stories one after another and you are still left wondering wtf even happened! It's so good - divorce, cheating, exes, exes of exes, just everything.
Will they marry? 
Frustrating, compelling book - you just neeeeeeeeeeeeed to know what happens! But it is a really good book.

Thats my lot! I need to re-read these lol. These were usually like my filler books, like in between the miserable, dark books I always used to read I would always read a soft suishy book to break it up a bit.

What your favourite chick lit flick?



Friday, 30 May 2014

Summer Mocktails :D

I love a good mocktail, most of the bill when my husband and I go out to a meal is my drinks tbh! But it's not always possible to find drinks on the shelves that have a few flavours in and taste great so I went and got my self a pretty pink and clear plastic drinks cup with a straw so I can always have yummy drinks, I even got a love-heart icecube tray! Lol but yeah so I had the pretty cup and pretty cubes but no drinks to put in so I started experimenting...

1) Pear, Apple and Elderflower Sparkler
I really love this drink, it's fresh and yummy, it goes well with food and it just great to carry around while it's hot. So I keep tinned pears around the house pretty much all the time because I don't have the patience to wait for the bastards to ripen so I always have a supply of pear syrup stuff that I end up chucking down the sink before I recycle the tin. One time I was about to chuck it out and I saw my cup that had a small amount of apple juice in so I mixed the two and just for good measure - and cuz it was quite thick -  I added some elderflower presse and there I had a yummy as hell drink.
So grab your cup or glass and add apple juice until it's about a quarter filled then add the elderflower presse until it's about 3/4 full, lastly keep adding pear syrup until it tastes good :D

2) Lemon Ice Tea
I used to buy, Liptons Iced Tea all the time and I do still love it but when I am in a rush around lunch time when I am off to have lunch with my hubby I just can't be bothered to pop into a store to grab some so instead while I am waiting for his lunch to cool, cook or whatever I make this.
Take your Cup and cold water to it, stir in tea bag until the water looks like weak tea, add lemon slices, lemon juice and honey to taste, finally drop your ice cubes in and you have one yummy, homemade iced tea.

3) Lime Zing
This drink was actually a total accident. For one of our date nights I had decided I would make sorbet... however I hadn't read the full recipe before starting it and half way through it called for egg - my hubby is severely allergic to egg - like anaphylactic so I was a bit buggered and wasn't sure what to do. It smelled so fresh and really tangy so I added a little to some ice water and it was like all my taste buds had gotten licked by a lime - it was so good, my hubby tried and also loved it and now it's my go to for fancy drinks.
Get four limes, juice them all and grate the zest of two, add the lime juice and zest to two cups of water, stir together and add this all to a pan, simmer gently whilst adding two table spoons of sugar and a pinch of salt, the mixture should slowly thicken just slightly. Cool and then add to ice water when you want - basically use it like a squash or cordial.

4) Cranberry, Lemonade and Apple
I love cranberry juice, like I can drink litres of the stuff - my little sister however didn't like the bitter taste when she was younger but she still wanted to drink it so I would mix have a glass of cranberry juice with a 1/4 apple juice and 1/4 lemonade to cut the bitterness for her and she loved it. I now make it for myself when I miss her or when I am at my Maa's.

5) Iced chocolate Moncha
Yes that does in fact say Moncha - I do know that the drink is called a mocha but because I make these they are called Moncha's - deal with it. Get a glass, add two-three teaspoons of chocolate flavored milkshake mix, then fill with milk to the desired level and stir, add two spoonfuls of sugar, one spoon of coffee and stir until all coffee granules are totally dissolved, drizzle in chocolate syrup and drop in some icecubes and sip away! You can use any milk you want, I use lactose free milk cuz I'm intolerant but it still tastes good!

You can mix up all of the drinks here to suit your taste or mood, so get going!

Whats your favourite drink in the summer?