Wednesday, 15 January 2014

My super weirdness.

Okay so as you all know I have like weird things I do and strange phobias. I think it would be funny to tell you my phobias.

1) Smelling bad
OH MY GOD. Like this one is a big one for me, like I know like two people who have/had really bad BO problem like idk if it was like a hormonal thing or if they just didn't wash properly but da-a-yum did this girl stink. It was everywhere though on her clothes, on her, in her wardrobe, her towels. Just everything. Like she would bathe and still smell. Her clothes would come out of the wash and still stink. I mean I used to have a similar problem with clothes still smelling like my perfume after they had been washed but that's a nice smell. Like a really nice smell, so it's not really a problem you know? But seriously idk what it was but yeah it was bad. If I think I'm sweating or I know I am then I have to like to this whole weird ritual before I'm okay with myself. Like I carry deodorant and spray and a small vial of my perfume and a small pot of baby powder and a small pack of baby wipes. Basically a load of stuff because in terrified of smelling bad. Idk what triggered my fear of it but it is a genuine fear. I get scared and like creeped out by myself to the extent that I come out in a rash on my hands. I get so stressed out if I think I smell. It's so strange.

2) Toilets
I'm actually scared of toilets to the extent I actually won't pee. I don't like using them, I don't like looking at them, I don't like anything about them. I hate the sound of flushing. I hate the sound of peeing. I hate everything about Toilets and using them. When I go out if I'm in a familiar place I use the same toilet. I will never deviate. If its a big ladies bathroom then I will be okay even if there are people but if its small and there is more than one person in the room I freak out and get scared. Idk why. There has to be noise. Omg I panic if a ladies bathroom is quite. Like even at home I run the tap, even if I'm home alone. Like my sister and I take it in turns to go to the bathroom and then we run the dryer and taps just so we can pee. I had a similar routine with my best friend Ev. I don't think I ever went to the bathroom, at college, once without Ev.

3) Dirt on my fingers
This is a weird one because I eat nearly everything with my hands, because I don't like cutlery but things that like stick to my fingers I don't like. Like crisps I eat with chopsticks and things with powdery flavoured surfaces that cling to saliva wet fingers freaks me out. I don't like it idk why. It gets under my nails and sticks to my fingers and makes my skin crawl. Ugh.

4) Patterns
They have to be the right way. I have this cushion that my Maa got me that has a cupcake pattern on it, if its put the wrong way around I get really stressed until I turn it around. If the sofa cushions or the duvet are not the way I do it I get antsy and genuinely feel uncomfortable. Like if I do something one way it HAS to stay that way because otherwise it actually makes me upset, if it stays like that then I feel myself getting itchy. I have to have the little foosball footballers have to be straight and the air hockey puck has to be in the middle of the table and the like hitty things are in the middle of the marks at each end. The glasses and cups on the sink have to be small to big, going from left to right.

5) Routines
I actually never used to have this is my hubby's fault. I have to do things in order other wise I get confused and it makes me stressed and its been known to make me tearful. I know it's stupid. 

6) Cleaning
This one is only bad when I'm stressed. Like if I'm not feeling myself or something big is going on I go crazy clean mode. I've been know to clean for five straight hours because I cannot stop and to do the while house or certain things three times over. Until it is done I cannot eat or sit still. It's silly. Like the whole house stinks of cleaning fluids when my hubby walks in and he basically chokes as soon as it hits him. Everything gets cleaned, even if it's been cleaned the day before. The toothbrush will come out - I have an old toothbrush that I use to clean little nooks that other things can't reach.

7) Numbers
This one is just funny. I don't like even numbers. I have like a specific set of number I like. It goes:
1,3,7,9,13,17,19,21,27,29,37,43,47,51,53,57,95,97. 
That's about it. I don't like numbers more than that but if I have to then I will pick the number with the oddest numbers. Volumes on the TV, oven temperatures, minutes on the microwave, volume on the speakers, things like that really.

8) Positioning/order
I put things in a certain way. Usually small to big, going left to right. My books have to all be the same size in groups. My DVDs are all ordered by rating. U, PG, 12, 15, 18 and then I order them within rating by who owns the film. 

9) Silence
I genuinely are terrified of silence. Idk why. It really does scare me. I like automatically have to start making some sort of noise. I feel like there are things behind me to the extent I have to have my back against a wall. If I'm really stressed it feels like there is something right behind me but I can see it in my minds eye but I'm so scared I can't move to reassure myself there is nothin there. Does that even make sense? Like I am imagining its really there. Ugh idk.

10) Hands
OMG I cannot shake hands with people. I can tell you the only three times I have shook someone's hand in the last 5 years - my husbands because we were having a conversation about people with limp handshakes and people that don't know how to, and then the other two are friends of my Maa - they are a lovely couple, who my mother raves about continuously and it was the first I'd met either of them, ever and both gentlemen offered their hands to shake and I had literally no choice other than to offend my Maa's very good friends so I shook. It's not like idk because I'm scared of germs (I am in other cases like railings and door handles, etc.) but with hands it's more that its far to personal for me - I'm so backwards sometimes like a hug to me is less personal than a handshake cuz like I hug my mates and pretty much everyone (well, I used to) but with a handshake you are basically holding someone's hand for a short moment and I really don't like that. I only hold my Hubby's hand, my siblings and my Maa's. it's too much for me. I never used to have like personal space issues but now I do - like I can deal with people I don't know closer than a metre in front of me or big crowds. I just can't do it. Eww. Yuck. Ugh.

Anyways, that was a little bit of my weirdness.


Love,

Monica 
            xxx

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