Thursday, 3 April 2014

Ten celebrities that get on my tits

Okay I like know I don't know any of these people, personally ergo, really have no right to hate them or even have an opinion on them but... fuck that. I'm sure in person these people are lovely. So one the top of this list is:

1) Boris Johnson 
But not because he is annoying but he just makes me cry when I see and he properly creeps me the fuck out I can't figure out if it is because he is so odd looking and I'm actually really shallow or that it's the video of him saying 'vey niiiice' :/ either way he creeps me the fuck out and has made me cry far too many times... usually at a very hormonal time of the month but still... he makes me cry. Once I cried because I wanted to kick a coffee cup off of a six-foot tall wall but... I'm like 5'1... so yeah... that wasn't happening so I started crying... Don't judge me I was fragile. So I'm more scared of him tbh. Idk why. You know whats funny? This nurse once said to me that you should never trust a man with a small nose or eyes that are too close together - I nearly pissed my self, I don't believe it obviously and don't at all think either of these statements apply to Boris Johnson's... Anyways.

2) Lorde
Okay so like I know she is super talented... well 'Royals' was really good, like I've listened to a few tracks of hers after that and they are just... well forgettable maybe it's just me, I mean I am not a music buff or anything but i just find her music... yeah just a bit lame but anyways my issue with her is this insane sense of "I'm better than the women that are put in the same bracket as me because I'm different and they are all the same", she seems to act way old that her age but in this really weird way so I don't mean that she is like out drinking and dressing provocatively, I mean she's just so... old. She acts so old. She isn't alcohol because of her age, so she always asks for olives, how about just a fucking panda pop (yes I do know they don't do them anymore... it makes me sad)? What seventeen year-old wants olives instead of like cherry ade? You know? She randomly goes around slamming people for the way they are like when she said that Taylor Swift is "unattainable", on what level is she? She has dated half of Hollywood and Harry Styles who brings any girl a few pegs down on the Holy Scale but seriously some girls are blessed with perfect curls and beautiful skin so don't hate on them, I mean don't get me wrong I'm always walking past a pretty girl and saying this very sentence "OMG she's soooo pretty! Bitch" I don't even know the girl and I already dislike her because she is just too pretty, so it's okay for Lorde to slam photoshop but it's not okay to  celebrate natural beauty. STFU, much. Also she slammed Selena Gomez for her 'come and get it' track because of the message, which is apparently 'when you are ready come and get it from me', so what in a loving relationship it's not okay to be sexual and be open? If thats the case I feel sorry for her boyfriend. She slammed Gomez but she left Beyonce alone- who, I'm sorry to say but, just released a detailed autobiography of her sex life with Jay-Z and how much he blatantly gets off on a little bit of control and exhibitionism. Why? Because it's Beyonce and you can't. How about you just make music? Stop being bitchy and trying so hard to be different.

3) Miley Cyrus
She's just so try hard. I can't deal with nearly seeing her totally naked all the fucking time, I mean if I wanted to see some girl touching herself I could just go on a porn site I don't want it on my fucking Facebook and her licking things is so strange and not very hygienic. I just feel sorry for her Dad and mum - who isn't actually dead like I thought she was cuz of Hannah Montana. I just want to give her a bath and dress her is some clothes that don't look like she stole them from Taylor Momsen and then hit them with a rainbow unicorn, grow her hair out again, put her tongue back in her mouth, give her a cheese burger and just tell her to chill the fuck out. She is just too much now.

4) Olympians
Why are they everywhere? They just pop up on like every tv show going, it's like 'get back to training, dumbass', you're an Olympian not a tv personality, please just go back to what ever thing you do really fast because you have trained years for it/have a natural affinity for it, okay? Please? And OMG quit it with all the fucking endorsements, you don't make us feel like we want to buy what ever you are representing because you work hard to look the way you do and be where you are, dude if I'm watching this advert on a monday at 11am, the chances are I am not a particularly motivated person. Please stop reminding me that I am lazy. Thanks bye. Also Mo Farah looks like pepparami, Rebecca Adlington (I don't like her I either) does look like she is looking into a spoon, Usain Bolt is too cool and Tom Daley likes boys too.

5) Isla Fisher
Because... well I can't tell her from Amy Adams.

6) Amy Adams
...Okay I only dislike her cuz I can't tell her apart from Isla Fisher. It just confuses me too much.

7) Jim Carrey
Just everything he does annoys me, he is so exaggerated and plain stupid in a way that just isn't funny after you turn about 11. I just want to put him in a box and throw him into an industrial blender. Ugh. Every fucking movie is the exact same just be weird, talk in lots funny accents, walk funny.

8) Katie Hopkins
OMG this women I would love to see get slapped in the face with a large, slightly rotten blobfish. She is just so fucking vile and she says the stupidest things in the world and she has the most fucking irritating mannerisms. Like she is just so fucking judgemental and bitchy and she just spouts shit constantly, if she opens her bitch ass slut mouth bile and hate just pours out. I just really hate her every time she is on tv I want to throw things at the tv. Plus she upset Holly Willoughby and I can't deal with that. That head tilt she does fucks me off.

Seriously watch this if you didn't know that shes a bitch: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edZjdgU0asM
or this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RH1WuEW8Pw
or this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY3v2KQkGmE

9) Lil' Kim
She's a shit rapper, she gets on my tits, she's a short, dumpy, old women that needs to grow the fuck up and stop having so much fucking plastic surgery it's just embarrassing now tbh. Ugh she is only still famous because of the whole Junior Mafia thing and the fact she randomly starts beef with people. She has nothing of any substance to say yet she keeps talking and it's just irritating and pathetic someone please convince her to cryogenically freeze herself now. Her music is so she and she needs to just go away.

Okay just quickly veering off topic but is it me but Ciara is having an identity crisis like in one video she looks like Kelly Rowland, Nicki Minaj and like several others. I'm just sorta worried for her, like is she okay? Also Anne Hathaway is a little bit too holier than thou.

Actually while we are talking about people I am worried about or have an opinion of BEYONCE... Bare with okay, I'm not going to slag her off the whole time but I am going to slag a bit - so number one what is up with her getting so... naked? Like don't get me wrong she is a stunningly beautiful, a body to die for and is quite obviously very comfortable in her very publicly displayed skin but... she is a mother now, not to mention a role model for many girls - now I know I have many times before said that celebrities shouldn't be role models and their actions aren't to be follow but she isn't just a pop star - she is an advocate for gay equality, women's rights and many charities so I just think it's a little unwise of her to be doing so. I can't get over how public the details of her sex life are,I mean like with 'Drunk In Love' and some other songs that I have heard from the BEYONCE album they just are sex, sex, sex and don't get me wrong a healthy sex life between a couple is 
i n c r e d i b l y  important but having it so... public is just a bit too much for me, I mean I now assume that Jay-Z has a thing for domination and like a bit of exhibitionism which is all fun and games and you know, go him and lucky him for having one of THE hottest women on the planet but... I just don't want to see it - I mean when like Blue Ivy grows up and sees these videos it's gunna be like "errrrrrrrrr... so yeah... umm... my parents are super freaks, nice, old people sex". I just want her to go back to being amazing, talented and phenomenal. She was always amazing to watch perform, now I dread it because I know what is coming... sex or just a weird costume that looks out of place on her or just idk something that I won't like. So yeah... getting back to my list.

10) Rita Ora
So when Rita Ora burst on to the scene I was totally in love with the whole package - she was brit and bad ass, she kept to being her and then I said "I hope she doesn't turn into Rihanna"... she did. She is just not the Rita Ora we knew when 'RIP' came out or even 'How we do', she's just Rihanna with a British accent basically, plus she looks like she has no teeth randomly and it freaks me out (okay so I'm shallow, sue me fuck face) and now I've just seen that she recently had dinner with Chloe Green (speaking of Chloe - Lucy Watson also fucking pisses me off with that bratty attitude, fucking squeaky voice, out of place and out dated lexicon and spot on dress sense; I can't fault the way she dresses but I can sure as fuck hate the cow for it, plus she is pretty... I know hypocrite) who also annoys me so that's added to her annoying factor, she hasn't released any good music and she's just there. It upsets me.


So maybe there were a few more than ten... oooh I just thought of someone else, I may have to do another one of these! :/ Just lots of things and people annoy me, I'm just a very easily irked person oh well!

Anyways, who really get on your nerves?

Love,

Monica
         xxx

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