Friday, 17 April 2015

Bridezilla? Calm the fuck down.

If I could be anything in the world like job wise there are two careers I would want to look into teaching and wedding planning. I wanted to be a teacher from the age of 16 and in many ways being a mother/wife totally fulfil this need but wedding planning is you know a little out of my reach. I don't even know what qualifications you need or how you would even get into the industry. 

There seem to be a lot of people like getting married, wanting to get married, getting engaged and planning wedding as of late like within my gossip range. Which is lovely and all but I can't help but think of how stressful it must be. Like my wedding had about 10 people at it but they were the only people I wanted to be there, bar a few that were invited but couldn't make it. I planned my wedding in two weeks, with no stress, no cut backs and no making do. I got everything I wanted exactly how I wanted. I can't imagine having to care about someone's feelings on my special day. Like no- it's my day. Take your judging self else where, mate. This is meant to be the happiest day of my life and you sure as fuck are not going to ruin it so I'm not going to even invite you. I don't care about tradition and what not. I want to be happy and if you care so much about being at my wedding then you obviously like me and care about me and would want me to be happy. I am yet to see an Asian wedding like mine, so chill and happy. I didn't pretend to be sad that I was leaving my family like I've seen a lot of brides do, not because I wasn't sad it just that I was happy to finally be able to be with my husband, it hadn't hit me that I wouldn't be with them anymore. It did after. I didn't invite the whole family or shoved because once they had invited me to their kids wedding or they were a business partner. I didn't wear different wedding dresses, we all got changed into t shirts and jeans after the ceremony and relaxed. I didn't have a giant cake because there were only a few of us and my husband is allergic to egg. I didn't go on honeymoon because I just wanted to get to my new home and start being a wife and enjoying life with my husband. I did it the way I wanted and I cannot stress enough that you should too.

If you want only a few people, pick a smaller venue with limited seats and whittle you guest list down to the people you and your partner want. So someone will be mad they didn't get an invite, either they will get over it or they don't really care about you. Pick the dress that you love, regardless of how many day it takes to choose; although I only took a few hours to pick my whole outfit, I walked into the second shop and it was the first dress I saw and that was that but that's me- I'm a quick shopper I have exactly what I wanted in my head and when I saw it I just knew.

It's your day. You are going to remember this day for the rest of your life. Why remember that your cousin that you don't even like got a little too drunk and made out with one of the groomsmen? Or that you couldn't breathe in your dress? Or that you spent ages trying to take out all your slides in your hair? I don't have a single bad memory from my wedding day. Nothing went wrong, there was nothing to go wrong- it was all so simple. The girls that did my mehendi were sweet and a great laugh. I picked lovely ladies to do my hair and makeup - they were so wonderful, they relaxed me so well and I wasn't worried for a second about either. We chatted and laughed. It was just such a chill vibe. 

I know I'm harping on but it breaks my heart when I hear that people didn't enjoy aspects of their wedding day. It also baffles me when people are so strung about things like table clothes and such. I know you want it to be perfect but if you are turning into a bridezilla whist planning you are seriously ruining it for yourself, no one apart from you is going to notice that you picked ivory instead of cream and I'd also like to add that if you are putting yourself in debt to pay for this wedding it isn't worth it. I thoroughly believe in living within your means, I do not believe in debt or credit and honestly the stress of having to think about paying it back is just ridiculous.  

If I was asked for advice I would have three topics to cover:

You
Are you ready? Is this what you want? Have you discussed it with your other half? Do you want a prenup? Basically go through everything with your partner first when you two are totally in the same page then go for it. Marriage is a big thing and if it breaks down it hurts even if it's not your fault. Have you spoken about who does what? Will you both work? Omg once this girl Raj works with called me a "kept women" I was so livid. I think she just heard the phrase and thought she knew what it meant an would use it to sound intelligent but ended up using it in the totally wrong place and looking really stupid. It's like "no, darling I'm not a mistress who is financially supported by my lover, I'm a wife, you silly girl". We few things I've learnt in the years I've been a wife is that:
- You will know your partner better for the times they let you down, lie to you and hurt you. 
- There will be times you won't want to be their friend and don't want to be around them but that doesn't mean you don't love them. 
- Do what you are good at in the relationship but always help. If you are kickass at laundry then you do it and if they are better at cooking then allow then to let their inner chef out. In life you work to your strengths and in a relationship this helps create a smooth dynamic. 

Money
Save, set a budget and stick to it. You can save for however long you want, there is no reason to rush into marriage. Stressing about paying for a wedding and money problems in general really push people to the edge, it can make you feel inadequate and the effects of not having enough money aren't just emotional. People save in different ways, some people are just good at saving and can always do it; others need to really work to keep the money away and not spend it on a whim. Get a tin, open an account, give it to a person you trust - whatever it takes to do it. My friend who is the queen of saving has a tin you have to cut open that she is saving in. My husband takes out the money he wants to save that month out at the beginning of the month instead of waiting till the end of the month to see what's left over. I find little and often is a good way too. Just do what ever works for you. If you are lucky enough to have your parents pay like I did then great but if you're doing it yourself then why create a situation for yourself and get into debt for just one day. You'd be surprised how much you can do yourself and how much a little searching can save you. 

Planning
If you think you are cool to do it yourself then yay! I did mine and I was 19, at college, getting ready for exams, I'd been town less than a year but I did fine. Honestly I'm the worst organised person you will meet so if I can do it then you can but if you don't feel like it then get a wedding planner or at least delegate aspects of planning to people you trust who have the time and don't mind helping you. Meet with everyone that will be involved in your big day and get a feel for them - do you get along with them? Plan your tastings, choosing, designing sessions, testing, fittings and trails somewhere chill on days where you have nothing else going on. 

Silly things like actually writing it down and making a plan that seem so outdated really help. I still have my wedding planning notes! It feels different to typing it up for me anyway. Get a folder and have little plastic pouches. Get a cute little diary and a set of colour pens. It's really up to you. It's your project. You did school projects so now that you are older it should be easier.

I hope those helps <3

"Marriage is just finding the person you are going to annoy for the rest of your life". 

Do you have your dream wedding all planned out?

Anyways, as always,

Love,

Monica
            xxx

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