Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Meriods, mitches and fuckery

Omg so I started writing this and it turns out that this might actually be a thing according some dude called Dr Diamond and he refers to it as Irritable Man Syndrome or IMS BUT my post is just crap and is of no medical standing, it's just me being a bitch. So here goes!

If you live with a guy whatever the arrangement may be marriage, partners, cohabitants, housemates whatever there are random days and weeks that they are a total fuck boy. 

Like the fuckiest of fuckboys. Everything and anything they do is fucky and they whinge, whine and in general act like a fuck boy.

Say it with me: FUCKBOY. 

This phenomenon is called 'Man Period' or 'Meriod' and an individual male suffering is referred to a 'Man Bitch' or 'Mitch'. 

It can strike them down at any moment; sometimes they wake up in the worst mood, sometimes they can be totally cool and half way through a conversation it hits them. They stay in this mood for anything from a day to a month. Although there is no regular routine for them to occur but it tends to happen every few months, some say it's seasonal and factors such as stress, sleep, change s in life such as new job or partner  can contribute to the induction of a meriod. 

The meriod can be diagnosed with a few common factors but symptoms can vary man to man... or mitch to mitch. 

Symptoms include:
- Headaches, may be referred to as migraines and sometimes may even display as a migraine- however it is just a headache
- Sudden unusual changes in appetite; increase, decrease, cravings, aversions
- Mood swings; aggression, paranoia, euphoria, disphoria, periods of excessive ranting, easily angered, irrational behaviour, nervous disposition, withdrawn, easily frustrated, anxiety over appearance, ability, masculinity 
 - Changes in sleep patterns; increased, decreased, fidgeting, sleep that is not refreshing, excessive duvet stealing, strange dreams
- Altered sex drive; increased, decreased, changes in sexual preferences, porn viewing and ability to leave their dick alone 
- Loss of interest in usually enjoyed activities or heighten interest in random nonsensical activities, subjects have been know to repeat tasks over and over for no reason or loss of persistence 

You're usually loving, vanilla, metrosexual man with a big appetite and love of outdoor activities could morph into an aggressive, dominating, chauvinist, couch potato who will only eat Chinese takeaway and similarly your usually ultra alpha, opinionated Dom with a hyperactive sex drive and greasy monkey tendencies could turn into an insecure, needy cuddle bunny, who just wants cookies and to watch Seven Pounds cuz "Will Smith is just breathtaking in it". 

Treatment for this debilitating condition varies much like the condition itself but it is good to start with food. Many mitches find that food helps. 

- Fry ups
- Kebabs
- Pizza
- Their mothers cooking
- Snickers

Another method of treatment is isolation. Leave then to be a dick by themselves in their room with their Xbox and a metric shit load of food and drink. However in contrast some mitches may benefit from snuggles and love with occasional talks about their feelings and life. 

I think we should set up a helpline and support network for sufferers and family too. Lol. 

What does your partner do that really annoys you?

Anyways, I'm done being a meany. 



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