Saturday, 10 October 2015

Suck it, Darling ^_^

So now I'm twenty-two years of age and I'm a little more worldly, I guess; I've come to the conclusion that you don't have to take all things said to you as gospel or even give a fuck about it. I've been given advice or told things and now years later I'm like "what the fuck, man?"  Some of them are just little and some of them are just insane. So let us begin. 

1) "Don't shave - it grows back thicker"
So I've blogged about shaving before, so there is no real evidence that this is true. For every source that says "YOU WILL BE A MAN IF YOU SHAVE" there is another that say "DAS BULLSHIT YO". My advice - Find what works for you and that may change over the course of your life. I always swore by Nair but while I was pregnant and after I had my baby I just ended up in burns all the time so I have to change and my only option was shaving, it took hundreds of cuts and nicks, a few weeks of painful razor burn and lots of lotions to get my skin used to it but I'm glad I did it. It's helped with my underarm darkness and I'm no longer crying in the shower because I'm covered in chemical burns. Try out all the things you think may work for you, talk to a qualified beauty therapist about what would work best for your skin and hair type and find what works for you. This tidbit taught me that just because someone says something is bad or wrong, doesn't necessarily mean it's bad for you- trying things out (within reason) is okay.


2) "Don't use tampons, you'll die from them". 

I don't know why I didn't question this, if you can die from them why would they be on sale? I think it's something like 2 in 100,000 people will get TSS. That is not to say that you shouldn't take menstrual care seriously but men, women and children can get TSS and if caught early, it can be cured. If you change your tampon regularly, use the lowest absorbency you can and keep clean, you should be fine. I'm not going to go into great detail but honestly I suffered as a young teen. I'm glad I took the initiative to try something new. You're not going to die, many, many, many things in life may kill you but the chances that it will be tampons is pretty low. From this incident I learnt that you don't have to suffer out of fear, educate yourself about whatever it is and make an informed, conscious decision. 

3) "But they are your *insert relationship role*"
I don't care who you are, if you aren't good for my life- I'm not keeping you around. Toxic people, breed toxic environments. Dramatic people cause drama. Narcissism is unhealthy. I'm not saying you have to cut them out of your life all together, but limiting your time around them and only allowing them into certain, controlled situations is just common sense, however there are circumstances where you do need to be harsh and play the bad guy. If someone is repeatedly letting you down or causing you harm in any form they are not worthy of you. I don't have a male parent and I'm actually cool with that, it's taken me years to come to this point in my life where I no longer get upset seeing people with that relationship and I'm happy, it was my choice, the people that were provided just didn't step up to the plate and were not good enough to be who they claimed to be so I took the matter into my own hands and decided that they needed to not be a part of my life. Your first priority should be you, on a plane you are to administer the oxygen mask to yourself before assisting anyone else, because if you are okay, you will be able to give better care to whoever you come into contact with. Sometimes, being selfish is okay. I learnt the hard way- You cannot please everyone. 

4) "That's not how you do it"
No, that's not how you do it. Everyone has their own way of doing something, whether it be cleaning, cooking, speaking or standing. It doesn't matter each individual person will have a way of completing a task and that is okay. It's not something to get offended about, if the end result is pretty much the same who gives a fuck how it got there. Guidance is always welcome but not always do people want to be boxed into what your view of right is. Being different is what makes us human and kickass. And being different is what makes you, you. Never go along with a plan or idea if you don't believe in it. 

5) "Show some respect"
Sometimes "respect" means "treat me like a human" and other times it means "treat me as though I have authority". When that person starts saying "give me respect and I'll give you respect" and they really mean "I have authority and therefore can dehumanise you" they can go and fuck themselves. I don't care who you are - be nice to me and I'll be nice to you (although sometimes I do take an instant disliking to people and I'm usually right, I can spot a creep a mile off), I don't care if you are the CEO of FSTE 100 company chances are if you're being an asshole, I'll call you out on it. Sometimes with people I like I try to just be nice but that's fake and I'm trying really hard not to do that but sometimes it's the cowards way out and it keeps the peace and I'm throughly ashamed to say I have done that. But in the long run it will come back and be a bigger problem for you to sort. If someone isn't treating you the way they should tell them to start doing so or gtfo. Believe me, you will feel better. 

6) "Well why didn't you say anything?"
Silence is easily misunderstood but it can't be misquoted. Sometimes you have no words, sometimes you can't be bothered to explain, sometimes it's not worth it. And people will always take your silence as compliance and agreement or whatever suits them in said situation. A lot of the time my silence means I would rather talk to myself that you, a lot of the time I know I could say what I'm thinking but you don't care enough to listen and you will just brush my views under the rug. Silence can mean many things but it rarely means you agree with what is being presented to you, but because the person asking you doesn't particularly care about what you think they are going to take it as they please. So do yourself a favour and speak up. It the only way to ensure you cannot be blamed. You tried, that's all that can be asked of you. Too many people think I'm a bitch because I kept my mouth shut when I should have said to them "go fuck yourself" now I do and everyone just thinks I'm blunt as fuck. 

7) "You're exactly like *insert family member*"

I heard this a lot from many people, in many cases from people that had only actually met me a few times like who the fuck are you to tell me who I'm like? If I was exactly like whoever you are claiming I am like then motherfucker, you managed to clone them! Gold fucking star for you! Scientist have been trying for years to clone humans but you got that shit down. Mate, you are gunn- wait what? I'm not their clone? Omg? Really? No fucking shit, Sherlock. I'm not exactly like anyone, I'm me and the only reason you are saying that is to make me feel bad about myself. I made a mistake or did something wrong gtfo it. Don't belittle me or try to guilt trip me, that's fucking messed up and you're a fucker for doing it. You take a deep breath and tell them "no I'm not, you're just upset and saying hurtful things, we can talk when you calm down" *mic drop* okay maybe don't do the last bit. 

8) "Never go to bed angry"
Sometimes going to sleep after a fight is the best thing to do, you wake up with a whole new view and you are calm and collected about whatever you were arguing about. I found that this really helps, you don't end up saying things in the heat of the moment whilst also sleep deprived so it ends up extra venomous. It's like time out for a naughty child, they come back and apologise and say they love you. We as humans need a little time out but because we are grown ups we think we don't need to- I mean talking about it like adults quite obviously isn't working, just sleeping on it. Writing down what has upset you is a good idea too, a journal, a bit of scrap paper so you can chuck it away or even in the notes on your phone. Getting it out of your system in a controlled and constructive way will minimise the chances of you getting spiteful and you will be far more honest with what you write because the person you are pissed at is not in front of you. 

9) "You are so talented, you're just wasting it"
I'm wasting my talent? Don't tell me what I should be doing, just because I'm good at something doesn't mean I have to pursue it. Like you're obviously good at being annoying and sticking your nose where you can fucking keep it out of but I wish you fucking wouldn't. Alas, here we are. 

10) "You would be pretty if you had light/clear skin, you should do something about it"
I've has this said to me by too many people without them thinking it is a really cruel and insensitive thing to fucking say. Honestly, I think it is a cultural thing; especially older generations. They touch my face, without thinking that I may not want their fucking hand on me and use in a tone that says "oh how unfortunate you are" like, seriously "DON'T TOUCH ME BETCH".  This is my face. My face is kinda this way because of reasons beyond my fucking control, asswipe. And for your information I love my dark skin, I was teased so much as a child and called names because I have much darker skin than my family and it has taken me years but I now know my skin is fucking awesome. I have a skin tone a lot of people would love, people spend hours in tanning booths, slathering self-tan on with those mitts and getting hosed with chemicals to get darker skin all I do is be me. I wake up with this fucking kickass skin colour. I've learnt to love myself. I'm much darker than my husband but he always says I'm beautiful and that he wouldn't change anything- not that I believe him because, well... I'm an insecure little fucker. What I'm trying to say is learn to love the things you cannot change about yourself because the chances are someone thinks those things are the most perfect things about you. You are loved and you should love yourself. 

What the best thing you had to learn the hard way?

Lots of love,

Monica
             xxx

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